As an Old Guy at 71, I’m Still Trying to Date
Dating today can be frustrating — especially for an ‘old guy’ like me, who is 71. At my age, it’s becoming increasingly apparent that finding a compatible female companion is unlikely. And I don’t mean to find just anyone. I mean someone you are attracted to, and the feeling is mutual.
Sadly, we live in a culture where youth is revered — old age, not so much. The word ‘old’ is used in a derogatory fashion, and old people are considered irrelevant. Click here for a related story.
My search for the right one
So, first, it’s worth noting that at age 71, I’m still youthfully energetic, active, affectionate, and witty. I am also financially secure, well-traveled, and physically and mentally fit. I’m not on any prescribed medications and have no debilitating ailments. I’m easy on the eyes, inquisitive, genuine, and forever a romantic gentleman.
I should also add that as for the state of today’s world: I’m 110% anti-Trump, disgusted with his mindless minions, very concerned about the decline of democracy, the climate crisis, the destruction of biodiversity, and pretty convinced we’re living during an ‘Extinction Event’ brought about by the appalling actions of humans.
As I continue my search for a compatible younger woman to share a life with—and given that I’m financially secure—I’m cautious about attracting a gold digger (someone seeking a romantic relationship to get money or gifts) or coming off as a sugar daddy (a wealthy older man who will lavish gifts on a younger woman in return for her company or sexual favors).
What I’m hoping to find is my soulmate. Click here for a related article. I’m hopeful that an attractive younger woman will find my older age and personality traits compelling for the following reasons:
- She craves stability, and someone mature.
- She wants a man with plenty of life experiences — and wisdom to share.
- She wants someone financially secure like herself.
- She requires that the man have a high level of emotional intelligence.
- She would enjoy a man who can carry on deep conversations.
- She has a history of bad dating experiences with younger men.
- She wants a man who treats a woman the right way.
- She hopes the man will know how to pleasure her in bed.
- She is looking for a man who will commit seriously.
- She values the traditional dating customs of a romantic gentleman.
But how to search for such a woman
When my divorce was finalized in 2014, I was 61. At that time, I pondered how to meet the right woman with whom I would enjoy ‘my last first kiss.’
Having been married between 1992 and 2014, I had no idea how to put myself back into the dating market. Should I meet the right woman at a bar, the health club, a sporting event, a public lecture, or hiking in nature? All seemed unlikely at age 61.
I entertained the idea of dating apps — an option I wasn’t familiar with because they didn’t exist in my pre-married life before 1992. So, if it were dating apps, which one would I use, and what would be my strategy for finding that special someone?
I tried several dating apps with some success, but ultimately, I settled on Match.com for what would become a repeating cycle of ‘on Match’ and then ‘off Match.’ This cycle continued for over ten years. In another article, I’ll have more to say about dating apps — specifically Match.com.
In any event, the woman I wanted to meet would be a lovely younger lady with personality traits and interests like mine — and she would be excited to be in a relationship with me for the reasons I outlined above.
I plead guilty to hypocrisy regarding age
While I’m hoping a younger woman will find me appealing, I acknowledge my hypocrisy by saying I have always preferred a ‘special someone’ who is five to ten years younger than me.
My hypocrisy is further displayed by the fact that in my youth, my idea of ‘extremely old’ was my 72-year-old grey-haired grandmother. Even in my sixties, dating a woman in her seventies was not appealing.
And so—in what was seemingly a form of forecast as I dated during my 60s—I was often advised by women in their 50s and 60s that dating men in their 70s was a complete turnoff. Accordingly, I braced myself for the day when I might turn 70 and still be searching for my special someone.
It’s also worth noting that the kind of younger, attractive woman that I search for can typically find male ‘candidates’ who are years younger than them and me.
So, look at me now
As I have already noted, I was 61 when I began my search for a female companion. At that time, younger women still seemed very interested in what I had to offer. For example, I was in a relationship with a lovely 50-year-old for a time — and I was in a longer, much more meaningful relationship with a beautiful Turkish woman who was six years younger.
But now, at 71, I feel the sting of being rebuffed by women five to ten years younger than me. I appreciate that women want to be approached — but not necessarily by crotchety older men. If an old guy approaches a younger woman and they don’t like you or think you’re attractive enough, you will be summarily dismissed as irrelevant.
Read that again. A perfectly healthy, normal, and attractive older guy would be labeled unworthy and irrelevant by a younger woman — say in her early to mid-sixties — simply because he is too old.
And so, since reaching age 70, I have come to accept that the one I’m searching for is most likely not searching for me.
What do women in their 60s look for in a man?
Research suggests that as women age, the group of men they find attractive shrinks. Older women in the market comically mention that in their youth, a good man was hard to find, but now a HARD man is good to find!
Women in their 60s are rightly looking for a man who can care for himself and is not looking for a caretaker.
Many older women don’t want to be a ‘nurse or a purse.’ That means they don’t want to provide care, and they don’t want to jeopardize their own financial stability. I completely understand and subscribe to that thinking.
The issue of care is a big one, as many elderly men want someone to cook and clean for them and provide conversation and companionship. Most women say, “Hell no!” to that. If that’s what the man wants, he should advertise that he has a room for rent cheap in exchange for care, cooking, and cleaning.
So, what do women in their 60s look for in a man? The answer is a man with something to offer other than mindless chit-chat about the weather, what he heard on Fox News, and what she will make him for dinner.
Women in their 60s see no need to remarry or even to have a male companion
Research shows that many American women don’t necessarily need or want a husband to enjoy their golden years. Today, both men and women in their mid-60s or older are more likely to be divorced or never married than at any time in the past three decades.
However, women in their 60s or older are much less likely than their male counterparts to get remarried. That’s partly because women have a smaller pool of ‘qualified’ male candidates from which to choose.
Moreover, longer lifespans mean people look at their golden years with a different perspective regarding time horizon.
According to the Social Security Administration, a 60-year-old man today can expect to live for nearly 24 more years, while a 60-year-old woman can expect to live for almost 27 more years.
For many people (both male and female), a longer life span means reconsidering, “Am I going to stay in a potentially unsatisfying relationship for the rest of my life if the rest of my life is decades instead of years?”
There are other considerations for why a woman in her sixties may pass on a male companion. For example, women are more likely to maintain stronger social ties with friends and family, which means they have more support after a divorce or the death of a spouse. Older women have their ‘sewing circles’ while older men can’t even fill a foursome for golf.
American society has become more accepting of couples living together outside of marriage. Yet more and more older women are becoming quite content in their golden years without a male partner.
Next up: My search for that special someone — maybe that ship has finally sailed.
