Engaging Young Men Before Extremists Do: What We Learned About Loneliness, Connection, and Resilience
By and
Beyond the Stereotypes: Why We Need to Understand Young Men
“I have plenty of friends now but I have a hard time letting people in. It’s like there’s this wall between me and the people in my life.”
This comment by a young man in our research captures a sentiment we heard repeatedly over the past year. While headlines about young men often focus on extremism, violence, misogyny, or withdrawal, our research revealed a more nuanced reality, one of isolation behind a façade of connection, of deep frustration, and of a genuine desire for meaningful relationships.
For the past 16 months, we’ve led a to better understand if and how young men are vulnerable to extremist recruitment and to identify potential pathways toward healthier engagement. What began as an investigation into political violence evolved into something quite different: a deep exploration of loneliness, social disconnection, and the twin forces driving both: the personal and the structural.
Our journey taught us that addressing young men’s vulnerabilities isn’t just about countering radicalization with a different perspective. It’s about fostering the deep human connections that make extremist appeals less attractive in the first place. This isn’t just a challenge for the viability of our democracy; it’s a public health crisis with profound implications for our social fabric.
The Starting Point: Worries About Political Violence
We began with a question: were young men increasingly vulnerable to recruitment by authoritarian movements promoting violence? (It’s important to note that we did not include hate crimes or other forms of violence like mass shootings or interpersonal violence in our project’s scope of inquiry.) Reports of , the January 6th insurrection, and online radicalization suggested potential danger.
Our initial research, however, complicated this narrative. found that ultranationalist content — media historically associated with political violence — primarily reaches middle-aged and older men, not youth. Young men might engage with pieces of this content but weren’t its primary audience.
Similarly, ’s confirmed that participants in events like the January 6th insurrection typically skew older.
Yet we discovered something concerning: while young men weren’t the primary participants in political violence, many experienced a profound disconnection that could make them vulnerable to extremist recruitment. As Worthy’s research put it, some American young men are like “kindling” — not yet aflame, but susceptible to sparks of radicalization under the right conditions.
This vulnerability is complicated by tensions between typical young male “risk culture” — — and the “safety culture” prevalent in many progressive spaces. For people coming from a progressive viewpoint, this mismatch makes it harder both to see the problem clearly — without pathologizing a common trait — and to create welcoming environments for young men seeking connection.
The Pivot: From Political Violence to Loneliness and Connection
This realization shifted our focus from political violence itself to the underlying factors creating vulnerability: loneliness and social disconnection.
. One important insight for us was the clarity that loneliness and social isolation are separate but related phenomena: loneliness being a subjective feeling of disconnection, while social isolation is an objective condition characterized by limited social contact. Both are on the rise among young men. This trend has accelerated significantly, with a fivefold increase in young men reporting no close friendships since 1990 and a striking 28% now saying they have no close social connections whatsoever.
But this loneliness isn’t just about empty social calendars. Many young men we interviewed described having surface-level relationships while lacking deeper connections. They weren’t necessarily alone, but they felt profoundly lonely, existing behind emotional walls that prevented authentic connection.
Their sense of disconnection is driven by:
- Economic pressures and diminished opportunities, creating uncertainty and delaying traditional markers of adulthood.
- Changes in relationship patterns, including less dating and less sex overall. Because people in relationships tend to borrow from each others’ social networks, less long-term relationships and dating means less social connection.
- Intersectional challenges where class, status, race, education level, and geography compound isolation, particularly for non-college-educated, rural young men.
- Decreased opportunities for forming relationships in work and educational settings. Workplaces have always been a significant source of relationships — but even if young men are working, more are moving between jobs or doing gig work that isn’t conducive to developing relationships.
- Increased time spent online in environments that can sometimes exacerbate rather than alleviate isolation.
- Complex relationship with technology that both connects and isolates. While gaming creates community for some, our research found increased screen time often replaces rather than supplements essential in-person relationships.
- Cultural expectations of masculinity that discourage emotional expression and vulnerability, which actually undermine the very qualities needed to form and maintain deep connection. Young men often face significant stigma when acknowledging loneliness, making it harder to address.
As one young man told us, “I’m frustrated with society. All of us within it are on the same path of working till we die. It’s kind of depressing.”
Listening to Young Men: Insights from Chatbot Research
To better understand these experiences, we employed innovative research methods using AI-enabled conversation tools. This approach allowed for candid, in-depth discussions with young men about loneliness and frustration, creating a space for revealing conversations that might not have happened in traditional research settings.
Several key insights emerged:
First, young men’s attribution of blame is complex and split. Many simultaneously blamed themselves (“I’m frustrated with myself that I can’t overcome my own anxiety”) and external forces (“I feel like if I had better circumstances growing up I could’ve been someone greater”). This duality creates a complicated emotional landscape that simplistic narratives fail to address.
Second, we discovered that frustration, more than anger, characterized many young men’s emotional state. They described feeling stuck, spinning their wheels, trying but not succeeding — whether in relationships, careers, or finding their place in society. In our survey, when asked about their predominant life emotion, “frustrated” (26%) far outpaced “angry” (3%), challenging the common narrative that young men are primarily driven by anger. Nearly half of young men surveyed on reported significant loneliness.
Third, we heard how life transitions were critical vulnerability points. Many pinpointed specific transitions — moving to college, relocating to new cities, the pandemic disruption — as moments when loneliness intensified. “When college started … I felt like my life wasn’t able to transition very well” was an illustrative example.
Fourth, many young men reported backgrounds that may be indicators of (ACEs). These included emotional neglect, parental divorce, household substance abuse, bullying, and family instability. As one participant put it, “I was given a lot more anger than love and understanding.” And another stated, “My mother has always been very verbally manipulative and abusive.” Even those without obvious ACEs could develop loneliness later in life, suggesting both developmental and situational factors contribute to these experiences.
Fifth, economic anxiety created profound frustration. Young men expressed that working hard no longer guarantees stability, creating feelings of unfairness and powerlessness. “I want a life where all can benefit. If you put in 40 hours a week, you are able to afford the essentials,” one participant told us.
And sixth, dating and relationships featured prominently in their concerns. Many described anxiety about rejection, difficulty connecting romantically, and feeling invisible in the dating landscape. These challenges compound other social disconnections, creating multiple layers of isolation.
Experimenting with Solutions: What We Tried and What We Learned
As our research progressed, we designed experiments to test potential interventions. Our goals were clear: reduce shame around loneliness, build confidence in connection skills, and increase sense of agency among young men.
We tested multiple approaches:
- AI chatbots with distinct personas (Gamer Girl, Tough Guy, and Wise Man), developed by , a specialized AI firm focused on narrative-driven communications. (Learn more about their work on this project here.)
- Videos from various sources, including existing content we curated from the internet and AI-generated videos (also created by The Persuasion Engine), all designed to address loneliness, skills for connection, and community agency
- Different messaging strategies around destigmatization and skill-building, based on our research hypotheses
Our most striking methodological finding: two-way dialogue outperformed one-way communication. The interactive chatbots proved remarkably effective at shifting attitudes and building engagement. It turns out that conversation — the oldest form of media — appears to be the most persuasive form of communicating to effect change, and now conversation at scale is possible and affordable.
We also discovered that certain tones and messengers resonated particularly well. The “Wise Man” archetype showed promise, but so did more playful, authentic voices like the YouTube creator . This aligned with Harmony Labs’ finding that “.”
Perhaps most importantly, we learned that effective narratives must not only validate struggles but offer a positive vision for the future. Simply acknowledging loneliness without providing a path forward didn’t move the needle. Our research showed that interventions need a delicate balance. They must validate young men’s legitimate frustrations without reinforcing harmful narratives (such as misogyny or zero-sum thinking between genders).
This validation tightrope is crucial. While young men’s struggles with loneliness and disconnection are real and deserve acknowledgment, some narratives that validate these feelings can inadvertently reinforce problematic worldviews or blame others. As our research showed, when we encouraged men not to blame themselves by recognizing societal problems as sources of their feelings, they often felt better about themselves but worse about society, potentially increasing their openness to authoritarian solutions. The most effective interventions acknowledged structural challenges while encouraging personal agency and specific skills for building deeper connections without validating potentially harmful beliefs about gender, race, or other social dimensions.
Actionable Insights: What This Means for Organizers, Advocates & Communicators
Based on our findings, here are key takeaways for anyone working with or concerned about young men, loneliness and democracy.
1. Focus on Loneliness, Connection and Belonging, Not Just Politics
The most significant vulnerabilities for young men often begin with disconnection, not ideology. Before addressing political attitudes, consider how to foster genuine belonging and connection. .
2. Acknowledge Structural Realities (Without Condoning Blame)
Young men face real economic, social, and geographic challenges — particularly those with less education, lower income, or in rural areas. Acknowledging these structural factors doesn’t excuse harmful behaviors but creates space for more productive conversations. Many loneliness interventions fail by focusing exclusively on individual responsibility while ignoring systemic barriers to connection.
3. Embrace Conversation & Dialogue
Two-way communication consistently outperformed one-way messaging in our experiments. Consider interactive formats — discussion groups, deep canvassing, online forums, or even AI chatbots — rather than solely distributing content. As our research shows, conversation at scale is possible and affordable now through emerging technologies.
4. Speak Authentically
Content that engages young men often involves play, stimulation, and being real. , “For young men, gaming content is a big deal” and their preferred content tends to be “fast, loud, dark, rough, raunchy, comedic, chaotic, and hyperbolic.” But it’s worth underscoring that the videos that worked best for this project were sincere and direct — a different form of authenticity that broke through.
5. Offer a Path Forward (Vision & Agency)
Don’t just diagnose problems — provide tangible skills, steps, or hopeful visions that foster agency. Frame connection as a learnable skill rather than an innate trait. Our testing showed that framing connection as a learnable skill (rather than an innate trait or moral virtue) was measurably more effective in shifting attitudes and increasing motivation.
6. Be Mindful of Transition Points
Major life changes — graduation, moving, job changes, relationship endings — create heightened vulnerability. Our research found that life transitions intensify loneliness; that these periods often leave young menfeeling unprepared to navigate new social landscapes. These moments offer critical opportunities for intervention and support.
7. Listen, Don’t Pathologize
Approach young men with genuine curiosity and appreciation for their full human-ness, rather than assumptions or labels. Avoid reflexively pathologizing their experiences or treating them as problems to be fixed: they’re people trying to live a full and rewarding life, and we can and should be allies in that important project.
Building Bridges, Fostering Resilience
Understanding young men’s experiences of loneliness and frustration — addressing them through empathetic, non-pathologizing approaches that acknowledge structural barriers while building skills for connection — isn’t just about preventing radicalization. It’s about fostering the resilience, connection and community that all humans need to thrive.
By creating bridges rather than walls, by listening rather than assuming, and by offering genuine paths to connection, we can help young men navigate a challenging world with greater support and fewer vulnerabilities to extremist appeals.
This research was conducted by in partnership with , , and . We are grateful to our Research Advisory Council members and the many young men who shared their experiences with us. .
Learn More
- Barton, G., Hackman, R., & Cheyfitz, K. (2024). . Worthy Strategy Group.
- Barton, G. & Hackman, R. (2024). Young Men and Boys and the Culture that Corrodes Them. Worthy Strategy Group. Medium.
- Chefyitz, K., & Penenberg, A. (2025). Automating Knowledge: Using AI-Powered Research for Persuasive Communications. Medium.
- Harmony Labs. (2024). . Harmony Labs.
- Harmony Labs. (2024). . Harmony Labs.
- Manne, L., & Pariser, E. (2025). Engaging Young Men Before Extremists Do: What We Learned About Loneliness, Connection, and Resilience. Medium.
- Story Strategy Group. (2025). . Story Strategy Group.
- Story Strategy Group. (2024). . Story Strategy Group.
- Waniewski, B., Conrey, R. & Hayes, C. (2024). Harmony Labs.
