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Incense and Memories: A Grandson’s Journey Through a Chinese Funeral
Exploring life, death, and family bonds in rural China
In China, there’s a saying, “to be buried in peace,” which means burying the deceased in a grave is the greatest respect you can show them.
I grew up in a rural village where many elderly folks stayed behind. The old people didn’t shy away from talking about death, in fact, they often brought it up casually, joking about it with their kids, grandkids, and neighbors. Some even used their savings to buy coffins ahead of time and kept them at home, not too picky about where they were stored, sometimes in the storage room, sometimes right in the main hall where visitors could see them.
As kids, we were scared the first time we saw a coffin, especially after hearing too many ghost stories from the grown-ups. We thought they had a spooky, heavy vibe. But after a while, we got used to them, and sometimes, feeling naughty, we’d try to lift the lid to peek inside. The wooden lids were so heavy, a few of us kids couldn’t move them an inch.
My grandma often took me to the funerals of village elders. These funerals were serious and complicated, usually lasting several days. But us guests would only go on the burial day, bringing some “funeral money”—cash given to the family…
