The Tiny Lies We Tell That Quietly Destroy Our Lives

And how to finally stop believing them

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Each of us is an expert at deceiving ourselves.
We deceive ourselves by accepting false information and rejecting the truth. When I started researching self-deception in graduate school, I had to face this reality for the first time. It shook my world. Suddenly, I saw it in everyone and everywhere.

The Various Aspects of Self-Deception

We tell ourselves lies about:

• Small details:
  “I didn’t eat that much today,” while ignoring the extra snacks.
• Aspirational goals:
  “Tonight, I will only have one glass of wine,” even though I always drink three.
• Social ideals:
  “I never have inappropriate thoughts about anyone but my spouse,” because admitting otherwise feels wrong.
• Key decisions in life:
  “I married for love,” even when factors like security, loneliness, or fear mattered more.

My romantic relationships clearly revealed my self-deception. I was afraid of being abandoned. That fear made me:

• Eagerly wait for phone calls
• Drive by to “check” if my partner was where they said they’d be
• Ask, “Do you love me?” over and…