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Sometimes “I love you” is a disguise for “Please don’t abandon me.”
Understanding love expressions rooted in fear, not freedom.
For people who’ve faced emotional instability whether due to any sort of trauma, loss of someone near or dear or inconsistent caregiving, relationships aren’t just emotional bonds they become lifelines. Feeling loved, seen and supported isn’t just a luxury for them it feels important for living. In this mindset, love isn’t a something other than a necessity to avoid feeling emotionally lost or disconnected.
When someone who fears abandonment says “I love you,” they might mean:
“If I say this, maybe you’ll stay.”
“I need you more than I can say.”
“Losing you would confirm I’m not enough.”
“I’m scared that if I stop proving, you’ll leave.”
These statements reflect the core insecurities behind the words “I love you” when it’s spoken from a place of fear rather than pure affection. They reveal feelings like:
- Fear of abandonment
- Deep emotional dependence
- Low self-worth
- Anxiety about losing love if it’s not constantly proven
