Member-only story
I’m 2 days late
A trigger I didn’t know I had.
“I’m 2 days late”
“OK, it’s only 2 days.” He replied.
“Yeah, but ever since the abortion, I’ve been early or on time.”
My thoughts were going a mile a minute. How could this happen? He had a vasectomy and he was cleared last month. Am I part of that very low percentage that ends up pregnant after the swimmers are no longer active? Am I going to have to buy a pregnancy test? Oh G, I hope I don’t have to have another abortion.
I could hear my narc ex’s voice, “You’re a wh0re! Who’d you f*ck, baby killer?”
The tears! They wouldn't stop. I wanted to scream. I hated that person for making me feel so hard on myself. Making me feel that I always had to overexplain myself. My word was never good enough.
I messaged my partner, “I’m not ok.” I explained the invading thoughts and told him I didn’t do anything wrong. He reassured me that I didn’t have anything to worry about. He trusted me.
I was upset when I went to bed and I didn’t have the greatest sleep. What is he going to think of me when the morning comes? He’s had time to think about things.
The morning arrived, and there was blood. Crisis averted, but I was upset that this person could still have that power over me, after 18 months apart.
Thank you for reading!
