DEAD BEDROOMS

If You Need to “Outsource …”

You need to divorce.

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Editor’s note: I don’t consider an open arrangement “outsourcing.” The reason is the people in these forums who are calling it that are those in marriages so constipated they feel they can’t bring up the topic at ALL and are all talking about doing it on the sly … and “outsourcing” is the word they use.

If you’re married but it’s been a long, dry spell, no doubt you’ve tried everything you can think of to get your spouse interested in sex again.

Whether you’re lurking on dead bedroom pieces on Medium, iliasm.org (short for “I live in a sexless marriage”) or Dead Bedrooms on reddit, you’ve no doubt noticed the number of people mulling over the idea of recruiting someone else to have sex with in order to leave the rest of their home lives undisturbed.

Maybe your spouse has already turned down marriage counseling. Maybe your spouse just turns away and won’t talk about the problem at all. Maybe the issue is just too fraught and uncomfortable, and you’re scared of what might happen if you’re any more insistent on exploring it.

Most people in this situation think of stepping outside their marriage. It’s even acquired a name that sounds a little less questionable: Outsourcing.