Texas Sues NFL in Supreme Court, Requests that Cowboys Be Declared Winner of NFC East
Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton on Sunday filed a lawsuit against the National Football League in the Supreme Court, arguing that the Dallas Cowboys should be declared the winner of their division due to “gross abuses” by the league.
In Texas v. Roger Goodell, Paxton wrote that the wins thus far by each of the other three teams in the NFC East should be vacated because of the location of their stadiums.
“These teams play home games in New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Maryland, all of which were won by the Democrat nominee Joe Biden,” the lawsuit read. “This is no mere coincidence. In fact, it means their opponents were unjustly intimidated by the coastal elitism of these venues and felt that there was some funny business going on during games which affected outcomes.”
“Therefour,” it continued, “games played in these locations should not count, except in cases where the Cowboys won or the Giants, Eagles or Washington Football Team lost.”
The Cowboys are currently two games off the lead with four games left to play in the regular season. If the lawsuit’s request is seen through, the team would move up to first in the division. From there, the lawsuit requests that the league end the regular season immediately to allow for an extended Christmas celebration.
“Americans may not be able to celebrate Christmas ever again with Biden as president, so it would be wise to wrap things up now to make the most of it while we still can, and then begin playoffs after the New Year,” the lawsuit argued.
A lawyer claiming to represent the Plano Stampede and the El Paso Tumbleweeds — two non-existent football teams — filed a supporting brief filled with spelling errors, at one point referring to the Giants as the “Ginas.” However, one person involved in the case told the Boast that this individual’s interest lies not in supporting the Cowboys but in simply preventing the team from Washington, D.C. from achieving any sort of success due to its proximity to the “deep state.”
As the court decides whether it will hear the case, which experts say is unlikely, it has been reported that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has been considering pulling his team out of the NFL to join the XFL.
