You’re Not Being Nice – You’re Dissolving

You Don’t Need to Be Liked to Be Safe

Photo by Lena Albers on

Here’s the setup.

You said yes, even though you didn’t want to. You offered to help, even though your plate was already full. You smiled, nodded, reassured, and checked in. Again. Again. Again.

You tell yourself you’re just being kind.

What you’re actually doing is outsourcing your sense of peace to someone else’s perception of you.

That’s not kindness. That’s self-erasure with a polite smile.

So let’s talk about the difference between people-pleasing and codependency – because they’re not the same thing, even if they often wear the same outfit.

People-pleasing is behavioral. Codependency is relational.

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People-pleasing is what you do. Codependency is what you are inside the relationship system.

A people-pleaser says, “Sure, I’ll come to the event” even when they’re drained. They cancel their own needs to keep the peace. They fear disapproval, not collapse.