Member-only story
Growing Up Undiagnosed
Playing Catch-Up or Just Plain Lucky?
When I was growing up, having an autism diagnosis wasn’t a thing. Autism and autistic people have always existed, of course, but the condition just wasn’t diagnosed back then, at least not to the extent that it is today.
I was always different, and I noticed others who seemed to be like me. We stood on the periphery of any social engagement, seeming to be suddenly shocked into silence or fawning behavior. Shy was the typical descriptor, but that word has always made my skin crawl. That wasn’t at all how I would describe myself or my like-minded friends when we were together and away from prying eyes.
My Early Life
I have plenty to say, and I’m not shy when the environment is right. There just wasn’t much that could be done to bring about an environment where I could be comfortable enough to speak my thoughts.
It was too busy. And every moment of busy-ness involved very large groups where I could rarely seem to get a word in. On those odd occasions where I did speak up, it never went the way that I planned. Either I talked too quietly and had to repeat myself, was too loud or monotone in an attempt to avoid speaking too quietly, or something unknown happened that caused my audience to laugh at me or become angry.
