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Happy Birthday! Now Get Your Own Phone Plan.
You’re 50 for Christ’s sake, it’s time to grow up.
Jessica,
Our sweet baby girl. Happy 50th!
This year, instead of a physical gift, we’re giving you independence.
That’s right: we’re officially dropping you from our phone plan.
Honestly, we expected you’d get your own phone line after college when you moved out and started paying bills. But you were young and broke, and we were sympathetic. We knew that hostessing gig barely paid well enough to keep you fed and certainly wasn’t about to contribute to any 401K. We were happy to help out so you could prioritize building up a savings account and still have time to focus on your “acting” dream.
We were a bit disheartened a couple years later when you started taking lavish vacations. Sure, sure, you were “slumming it” backpacking, but Jess, we know you made it to eight different countries. We were hit with all the roaming charges. I’m pretty sure broke people don’t take day trips to Switzerland, and I’m certain skipping a train trip or two could’ve left you with plenty of money for your phone bill.
When you met Bryan, we were so relieved. Thrilled, I should say — we really thought once you got married, that your husband would take over…
