Member-only story
Why LGBTQ+ People Don’t Owe You An Education
The toll and burden of being a teachable moment
“So, you’re, like, trans, right? When did you decide to become a woman?”
The young man with a straight ally flag pin asked me, as if I were a foreign movie with subtitles.
I hardly restrained myself from rolling my eyes. It was the third time I’d been asked the same question that evening — at an event dedicated to combating homo- and transphobia.
I get it. People are curious. They want to understand. And in theory, I’m all for dialogue. But what happens when “dialogue” means explaining your existence over and over again? What happens when you can’t even attend an inclusive event without being turned into someone’s teachable moment?
It’s not that the question is malicious — most of the time, it’s not. But it’s invasive. It assumes I owe you an answer. That my identity, my past, my body, my choices are fair game the moment you find out I’m transgender.
And it’s exhausting.
Not your lesson
We’re expected to justify our existence. We’re expected to satisfy others’ curiosity — even when the questions are invasive and inappropriate.
