Love is more than “in love”

Letter I Wrote to My Last Husband On The Nature of Love

After he left me for someone else

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Dear Stephon,

“In love” is not what keeps people together, and not what makes relationships and marriages work and last.

“In love” is giddy and fun — it’s calling simply to hear the other person’s voice. It’s what makes it easy to be together, and what causes us to feel jealous if we think someone wants to take our place. Jealousy isn’t love. It’s fear of abandonment.

Feelings of being “in love” come and go throughout the relationship, peaking at the beginning. Remember when you called me three times a day to tell me you were thinking of me? Remember the night we met and danced, and after you left and took your buddy home, you drove all the way back to dance with me some more?

Love, as distinguished from “in love”, is day-to-day. Love keeps people coming home at night and helps them stay for the long run. Not just for a few dances.

Love is wanting the other person to be happy. Love is altering our routine to accommodate the other.

Love is caring and nurturing. Love is the reason you warmed my boots, my car, and my bed when it was cold. Or so I thought. Love is the reason I…