The Moment I Realized I Was Controlling My Marriage to Death

How I Learned to Let Go of Control and Let Love Lead

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It took a painful separation, deep self-reflection, and a humbling apology to understand that love can’t survive where control leads. Here’s how we found our way back.

Looking back, the biggest mistake I made in my marriage was trying to control everything, without realizing it. I was a dominant wife in every sense. I planned our weekends, chose the restaurants, picked the movies, and even made decisions about what we bought for the house. I called it being efficient or having good taste, but in truth, I rarely gave my husband space to contribute or lead. And then I’d turn around and criticize him for not being a real man, for not taking initiative, for not being the head of the household.

He was the breadwinner, and I also had a career. We didn’t have children yet, but our life was full. At least on the surface.

Things came to a head during the biggest fight we’d ever had. I stormed out, full of pride and frustration, and didn’t return for two months. During that separation, I had a painful, uncomfortable time to reflect. And what I saw in myself wasn’t easy to accept.

I realized I had been controlling, quick to anger, and dismissive of his feelings. My…