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PERSONAL ESSAY | MEMOIR | LOVE
The Heart of the Matter
Our hearts are at the center of everything
Things weren’t going well and I knew it. I was very much aware that the radiating pain in my chest and back was not a good thing. The faces of my healthcare providers in the Emergency Room of our local hospital at 1:30 a.m. were decidedly serious. I kept asking my husband what the numbers on the heart monitor were doing because I couldn’t see them. Were they getting better, I asked hopefully? I wanted to go home. He would glance up, expressionless, and then tell me he didn’t know.
I suspected he did know.
I was soon whisked away to the Coronary Care Unit over my objections. I lay on a hard bed, hating the feeling of vulnerability that comes with being hooked up to machines and hovered over by hospital staff.
A nurse stood at my bedside, reading the monitor. Suddenly, she spoke a code into the pager clipped to her shoulder; almost immediately, people ran into my room. She said, “Stay with me, Conni! Stay with me.”
I looked at her in confusion. I was probably as near to death as I’ve ever been, but I didn’t know.
Much to my frustration, my heart has decided to get wonky on me. This was not part of my plan. It happened slowly over a…
