Satire

The Chinese Have Been Spying On Me Since 2015

We will never forget the night the balloon came for us

That’s my husband and the hovering Minecraft balloon that freaked us out when it slowly drifted to us through the dark. I wish now I’d taken a better picture or even some video of it approaching — but at the time I was unaware this would connect to an international spying scandal. (Photo by Michelle Teheux)

We were sitting on our deck with some friends one evening in 2015 when we became aware of a dark shape slowly floating toward us across the backyard.

We sat and watched as it slowly approached us.

I can’t say we weren’t a bit freaked out, but we also didn’t think of shooting it down.

We should have, though.

As it drifted across the deck, we could make out a few more details. It was black and square and eerie.

Finally, it came close enough for us to see a small sticker on one side of it. The sticker said “Minecraft.” We laughed. It was clearly an errant balloon from some gamer kid’s party.

I’m not laughing now.

This was, obviously, a Chinese spy balloon. Back in 2015, we were all such innocents. We had no idea what sorts of shit were about to go down:

• The idea of a reality star buffoon actually being elected was still preposterous.
• Land wars in Europe were a thing of the past.
• We thought of China mostly as a place to have stuff made cheaply.