Member-only story
Poem
Seeking Understanding
I am nowhere I should be…
I wonder if there’s a place inside my head where understanding meets reality,
where I come to grasp the very mechanisms that make me see life as it is,
that makes me feel pain beyond my own,
engulfed in the suffering of everything,
consuming it whole,
making it my own,
a lover eating the world in full,
I seek to understand how I feel nothing and everything at once,
how I see the world for what it is,
yet grieve it daily for what I wish it would be,
or maybe it’s myself I see in the world,
and everything I wish for myself to be,
a mourning for who I am holding myself back from becoming,
a distortion of reality,
I see myself everywhere I am not,
a reality of distortions,
I am nowhere I should be.
Faithfully pleading for a way to understand the things beyond me,
the sensations that engulf humanity to harm itself,
contorted visions carving drenches,
building walls,
illusions of separation…
