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Recovering My Intuition as an Autistic Trauma Survivor
Autism makes us more sensitive, while trauma makes our instincts harder to hear
“Has your instinct ever let you down?”
The therapist I have been seeing for seven weeks asked this tentatively, the way she asks all questions. She lets me guide where we go in sessions and only comes in with an observation or question when it feels absolutely necessary. This makes it feel more like a collaboration than a power dynamic, as I’ve often encountered in therapy,
She’s also the first openly neurodivergent therapist I’ve had, and as an AuDHDer, being able to drop my mask is a radically welcome change.
The reason she asked me about my instinct was that I was confused. I didn’t know whether my aversion to certain things was something to trust at face value or whether to stay with these feelings and see what lies beneath.
It’s complicated, like most things are with my brain.
Growing up as an undiagnosed autistic ADHDer in an unsympathetic environment, experiencing abuse in the home, school bullying and the resultant C-PTSD, made mistrusting my read on things into a well-practised art.
As soon as I notice something isn’t right, something I call the “Override…
