Member-only story
Ode To Aunt Gert, How My Stomach Doth Hurt
A shocking tale of deadly sweetmeats and holiday gluttony
She brought it to my domicile, she brought it to my door
I saw her coming up the walk, it shook me to the core
I saw it glitter in the sun, a package wrapped in foil
To make sure its deadly contents, did not molder, rot, or spoil
The caller was my dear Aunt Gert, I offered her some tea
She drank a cup, she drank the pot, she talked a lot to me
She pried into my business, and she gave me free advice
She spoke of family members, and said things that weren’t so nice
I thought perhaps it’d slipped her mind, but no, here came the prize
It thunked upon the table, ’twas a fruitcake of great size
And lo, a blade was in her hand, she sliced a generous hunk
And slapped it on my plate where it, did ooze some gooey gunk
Candied citron, apples, pears, hazelnuts and gummy bears!
Golden raisins, secret sauce, I’m gonna need some dental floss
Dates, and prunes, and apricots, candied ginger, lots and lots
Figs and currents, curdled cream, cherries red, and cherries green
Soaked in brandy…
