Sexuality/Relationships

Paying For It

What it’s like to be a woman who pays a man for sex.

Photo: Wevibe

“I will be in London for a week from the 16th November,” he writes. “If you would like a session then, let me know.”

I immediately feel my heart start to beat faster, a heat between my legs. Sometimes I feel as though my life revolves around waiting for these messages; the excitement of the build-up to seeing him again, the ecstasy of being with him for a few precious hours. And then the crash down afterward.

I have been paying to have sex with a man for a year and a half now. And I’m hooked.

What sort of woman has to pay for it? I hear you ask. You must be really ugly, have you got something wrong that means you can’t get a man?

Sometimes, I think that’s true. When you’re in a relationship with a partner who doesn’t want to have sex with you, your self-esteem can take a hammering. I have a partner, but we don’t have sex anymore. This has been a source of upset for me for many years, but I don’t want to split up. There are many other things we share and the love between us is still strong. But I am not ready to pack away a major part of what makes me feel alive.

So I decided to find a man who could give me a tantric massage. It was a decision…