Why I No Longer Believe Cis-Het Men and Women Can Be Friends

The precarious politics of male-female friendships.

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“It hurts,” he DMed me on Instagram.

“What hurts?” I replied.

“It hurts that you don’t like me anymore,” he texted back.

He was right. I didn’t like him anymore. We had met during undergrad and had been friends on and off for many years.

I didn’t reply to that message. I had already decided to cut him off. He had been disrespectful to me many times. He had tried to dominate me, put me down, and a few times, his remarks had reduced me to tears.

As a friend, he had been lousy. I never felt safe opening up to him. He wasn’t a loving person. He had confided in me many times, and I had offered him emotional support.

But it was never reciprocated. It felt like he only came to me when he needed to vent — something he likely couldn’t do with his male friends.

I was tired of being his mom.

Over the next few days, he sent me a few more DMs. One of them was a reel about how eldest daughters have a lot on their plate. Maybe he was trying to show me that he was sensitive and understanding.