Friends, I have been thinking…

My mind wanders A LOT when I’m walking alone and each time my walk is over, I come to the same conclusion…

When I start to question and perseverate on the little things as a mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend, I have to take a step back and recognize I’m trying each day to be my best self and that is truly all I can do.

And I bet some of you are doing the same.

Actually, I KNOW you are doing the same, trying your best each and every day but questioning if it’s enough.

No matter what kind of day it is…

On the days flowing smoothly, I do my best to keep the momentum going, crossing my fingers it will not waver. It is enough.

On the days filled with hardships, I do my best to find solutions and move forward praying for a change in the day. It is enough.

Some days I’m over come with overwhelming emotions, of feeling inadequate, but once again, I keep trying my best. It may take some convincing from my hubby or BFF to move along and lots of reassurance but I keep putting one foot in front of the other. It is enough.

There are many days I feel my kids despise me for decisions I make which don’t fit their agenda or wants, but again I’m trying my best to parent them and the big picture is my foundation. It is enough.

You see friends, I’m not searching to BE the best… and I know you’re not either…

We simply want to know we tried each day and we can confidently lay our head on the pillow each night with no regrets.

That’s all… that’s all I want.

A life with no regrets.

Maybe it’s what you want too?

So as I wander along, placing one foot in front of the other, I welcome with open arms each day and all it will bring to me.

The ugly and the hard mixed with the peaceful and smooth.

The loving and endless hugs combined with eye rolls and sighs.

The boring and mundane bonded together with impulsive excitement and new adventures.

Each day enhances my life, takes me to a deeper level of understanding and allows me, once again, to try to be my best for myself and those around me.

So as I keep walking this road, my mind will continue to wander and wonder with the hope of no regrets.

We owe it ourselves.

It truly is enough.

Your tender heart captures the essence of motherhood.

You are the joy entering hearts of loved ones and filling them up beyond measure.

You are loved.

You mama, are like no other.

You are uniquely you.

You are perfectly imperfect just as you are.

You are loved.

You mama, are an abundance of blessings.

Your laughter radiates the warmth within your soul.

Your smile captivates the love within your heart.

You are loved.

You mama, are a blessing.

You are adored and admired.

You are patience and grace.

You are loved.

You are honesty and loyalty.

You are a cup half full and some days half empty.

You are a light on the darkest of days.

You are loved.

You are a cheerleader and coach.

You are a listening ear and loads of advice.

You are an organizer and a finder of all things.

You are loved.

You are hugs and kisses.

You are boundaries and rules.

You are apologies and forgiveness.

You are loved.

You mama, are a sanctuary of love wrapping us all within your beautiful embrace.

You mama, are loved.

Serenity Scent Co.

The dreaded “D” word has emerged and my wish is to squash it and push it as far away as possible but I know, I can’t.

I can’t protect her any longer from disappointment permeating her soul.

I can’t protect her from words she doesn’t want to hear.

I can’t protect her from feeling a loss.

Oh, how I wish I could.

Friends, why is disappointment so hard?

Why does it take all of our strength to muster up the courage to get through the conflicting battle of being disappointed?

Imagine a life without it?

How blissful would that be?

Or would it not be?

Would life be boring, flowing smoothly all of the time and never gaining strength to press on?

Would each day be similar to the next?

Always knowing what to expect?

Disappointment is seen is so many areas of our adult lives but it strikes a different chord when disappointment washes over our children, young or grown.

We see a glimmer of hope lost for a moment.

We know time is needed to reflect and move forward, as laughter is taken over by burdening thoughts and life feels slow and heavily weighted down.

I have battled the many tears of disappointment, but now as I watch my daughters tears fall my soul is crushed.

Oh how I wish I could take her pain away but I can’t.

I may be her mom, protector of all things, but some things are beyond me. And this moment of disappoint is one of those times.

All I can do is wipe away her tears while reassuring her and validating, with a gentle hug, she will be okay and there is a new day tomorrow.

She will overcome the disappointment and see the light.

She will, after reflection, recognize the silver lining.

She will know, deep in her being, she is stronger than any disappointment which comes her way.

She just has to hold on and get through the tears first.

This is a process and one she will endure.

As for me, this mama heart will be watching and waiting to see the tears subside and for her to rise up more secure and grounded than before.

She is stronger than any disappointment barreling her way.

She will rise!

Sometimes lending a helping hand is the only thing needed…

And today, I am thankful.

I’m thankful…

for kindness, that still emanates from strangers, amongst a world filled with hate and chaos.

I’m thankful…

for the men who were willing to put their schedules aside and ask how they could help.

I’m thankful…

for the men who didn’t even ask, and just started on a task, as if they were my long lost friend.

I’m thankful…

for their willingness to teach me and show me, rather than judge me.

I’m overwhelmed and thankful for their kindness. It’s simple, I know… but an act I needed to be a part of.

As our world keeps spinning and the kindness of strangers is often lost, my heart today filled up once again.

Being witness to a simple act of kindness and concern opened my eyes to what we truly are capable of as neighbors and friends.

So thank you, for restoring my faith in a simple gesture and what that can do for the soul.

The take away… we just need to start to lean in on each other again. The rushing away independently, thinking we know it all and feeling we are better than others, isn’t getting us anywhere.

So thank you to these men, for bringing out a part of me that may have been lost.

I am thankful…

At some point, I lost a bit of myself along the way of raising my children.

I let go of my passions and only focused on what made my children happy.

And the funny thing is, I didn’t even know it.

Until years later, upon deep reflection, I realized the loss I was feeling.

I let go of me.

I stopped living for me and only woke up each day wondering how to make the lives of the people around me more fulfilled.

I let go of me.

I started to become a shell of a person simply going through the motions rather than living life each day.

Even before the pandemic, of Covid-19, I felt I was living day after day the same life over and over again.

I let go of me.

I didn’t wake up refreshed, ready to take on the day, rather I was tirelessly trapsing through the day with little to no emotion.

I let go of me.

I was trapped inside my own shell, knowing the walls to escape could be broken down but no one could reach in and help me.

I let go of me.

I had to emerge on my own…

And that, my friends, is exactly what I did.

I reached deep into my soul and pulled out the old wounds and dealt with them face to face.

I slowly started to find me.

I gently traveled to the parts that I had been missing, brushed myself off while being wrapped in a warm embrace and invited myself back in again.

I slowly started to find me again.

I essentially stopped living life going through the motions.

I slowly started to find me again.

I started living and I let go of the guilt.

I let go of the looming thoughts that burdened me.

I stopped feeling selfish the times I was making myself happy.

I started living for my family as a whole.

Not just living for the my husband.

Not just going about my day for my children.

But for me also.

For the first time, I was living for all of us collectively.

I slowly started to find me again.

Life has not changed drastically.

But how I look at my life has been altered.

Each day I am presented with decisions to make and I am living within the decisions, feeling each and every part of the day.

I am not going through the motions filling a void in the hollow of the shell that once existed.

And oh, what a blessing it has been.

I found me!

four airports and four flights in 18 hours…

I was reminded of how precious time really is.

Time… it’s basic and taken for granted and always looming over us.

Time… we know it passes but often don’t slow down to relish in the passing.

But time right now my friends is precious.

This trip yesterday was planned so my sweet girl could ease her mind about college decisions.

And when I think about that right there, I wonder how is that possible?

College?

Wasn’t it just the first day of pre-school drop off as she giggled with excitement as a tear also trickled down her cheek?

Time…

It doesn’t slow down for anyone as much as we desperately try to hold on.

It doesn’t stop for the dying.

It doesn’t pause for children growing.

Time is forever moving forward, guiding all of us and reminding us daily to hold on tight but still go along for the ride and not fight it.

But seriously, how was I just holding this sweet girl, right after being born still connected to me, and now she will be living on her own?

How was I just rocking her quietly to sleep singing lullabies and soon she will be tucking herself in each night?

How was I just tying her shoes that repeatedly wouldn’t stay tied and now I’m looking eye to eye at a beautiful woman who now borrows my shoes?

But this girl here, she has some decisions to make…

tough decisions…

The hardest decision she has been faced with…

and we all know that decisions aren’t easy.

Decisions… sometimes suck the life out of you.

Decisions… open you up to thoughts you didn’t know you had.

Decisions… make you grow…

And this is what I see happening in front of me.

Growth…

my girl is strong willed and perseverant while maintaining a kind heart.

She knows what she wants, who she wants to draw into her life and the kind of life she can see herself carry with pride.

But at the same time, she doesn’t know.

Her mind is racing and she is trying to quiet her beating heart down a bit.

The excitement is rushing but she knows it is important to remain calm and not let impulsivity take over.

And I just watch with wonder…

I watch with pride…

So as I gazed at her sleeping soundly on the plane, a deep joy entered my soul…

A peace washed over me…

Time may move on and we will both continue to grow but our hearts will always be intertwined… peace washed over me.

And just as we were connected so long along, a cut of a cord or a new phase of life, does not mean a loss of a connection… peace washed over me.

Maybe now, the deeper, richer and more fulfilling connections begin… peace washed over me.

A new phase about to begin… peace washed over me.

First published on http://www.Facebook.com/hangintheremama.