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BLACK BEAR | MUSIC FOR THE SOUL
When Your Past Is on a Different Radio Station
Two lives, two playlists — one relationship
It was late afternoon when we drove down the freeway to meet friends for a long-overdue catch-up. They are friends by association. Ramzi, my husband, has known the group since their 20s. They have the kind of bond that’s only possible through shared histories. If you don’t share that history, then you can’t relive the stories. Hearing them isn’t the same — it’s like being a fly on the wall in the wrong room. I missed it all. It’s just background noise that can’t be absorbed.
These gatherings make me subliminally hyperventilate. I try to avoid them, and mostly I do, because it’s mostly just the men who catch up. But sometimes their wives join, and when that happens, I feel obliged to go even though I’d rather be watching Netflix.
They are a lovely group of people, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like an insignificant protagonist in a story that I don’t belong in. They were at each other’s weddings and are still married. As they approach their thirty-year anniversaries, Ramzi and I are in our thirteenth year. Ramzi’s first wife belongs to their story. It’s like a hustle I can’t win — a bet I’ve lost by drawing the short straw. I’m merely an impostor in their inner…
