Confessions of a Feminist Man

How I’m shedding learned behavior to become a better ally.

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I consider myself a “feminist,” meaning I want women to have equal status to men like me in society.

However, the reasons behind my feminist shift are not solely based on rage from injustices, which many women experience. Instead, mine is probably based on the same factors as some other men who advocate for women — more specifically, guilt and shame.

Before I met my life partner, I was probably more similar to the men I hear women complain about most often. The men who make “innocent” jokes about the opposite sex while in the company of other men. The men who leer at women, consume male-centric porn, and downgrade their abilities and intelligence.

Not to make excuses for myself or others, but a lot of this past behaviour was me trying to “fit in.” Some of it might’ve been an actual belief that I had the upper hand among the sexes because other men told me so.

Well, I’ve since realized I don’t want to fit in, if that’s still the boys’ club I’m being invited to.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve never actively hated women, even when they didn’t like me back. I’ve always liked people of the feminine persuasion. I was close with my maternal grandmother. I have cousins who were more…