An Open Letter to the Executioner Who Killed My Friend

He forgave you. I’m still trying.

Image assembled in Canva by the author.

Author’s Note: Ramiro Gonzales was executed by the state of Texas on June 26, 2024. I was his spiritual advisor and present in the death chamber. This letter is for the person who administered the lethal injection.

I don’t know your name. I wasn’t allowed to.

Even if I found it out, I had to sign something promising I’d never tell.

I suppose that’s to protect you. And you probably need protecting, don’t you? Not from me—I’ve carried too much grief to waste what’s left of my soul on vengeance. But from what it might do to a person to be named. To be known. For .

To be seen in the light as the one who pushed poison into a helpless man’s veins.

So, I didn’t see you. But I’m almost certain you saw me.

I wonder if you could hear me.

I wonder if you heard Ramiro’s last words.

I wonder if you heard the crack in my voice when I sang the Kyrie: “Lord, have mercy.”

I wonder if you heard him say, “I love you, Mana.”

And when you pressed whatever button or syringe or mechanism they gave you—when his body started to twitch, and the colour drained from…