How to Actually Make a Decision

So you’re an easy-going person…

Oh well… (Image by author)

On January 29, 2024, I published an article called The Art of Not Making a Decision that got +24K claps.

Thank you. I never imagined so many people would relate.

But that means…

There’s so many of us not knowing what to say in a conversation, what to do with our hands, so unsure of ourselves, overthinking, not taking action, rinse and repeat until our very last breath.

I think we’re doomed.

But fear not…

You have a decision guide right in front of your nose.

Please read with caution. Or else you might turn into a decisive person. Meaning you could take full responsibility for your life, and that’s DANGEROUS. DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE.

Anyways. You’ve been warned.

Technique #1: Decide That You’re a Decisive Person

The secret is that no one knows what they want.

When faced with Option A or B, we make a hypothesis on the one that sucks the least. We try it. And only then, we know if it’s good or bad.

Simple, right?

But the problem is there’s Option C, Option D, all the way to Option Z.

Then you have Option A2, Option B2, up until infinity.

So what do you do?

Life is a hallway of infinite doors. (Image by author)

If only I had the perfect key, I would know which door to open!

Says the indecisive person.

So they go down the hallway until they’re 70, then they wonder:

But I didn’t experience anything!

Yet, the doors were unlocked this whole time, and they were whispering: “Please pick me!”.

Open one, and you’re a farmer in Switzerland gathering some juicy strawberries. Enter another one, and you’re a world-famous pop musician. Access the room next to it, and you’re having a ‘normal’ job and a ‘normal’ family life that you’re happy with.

You might take a sneak peek at 10, 100, even 1000 doors. You could smile and wonder: “Ahh, it would be nice if…”

But the real magic comes when you stop walking around, point your finger, and actually commit to a door.

For the infinity of rooms that life handles to you, imagine just walking inside ONE.

So romantic. (Image by author)

Ask yourself:

What do I actually want to experience out of life?

I would like to know what it feels like to ______________.

Whatever you fill in the blank, is a good decision (so long as nobody gets harmed, of course).

Even if the experience never happens.

You might never become the next Taylor Swift, if you so desire. But you might have the experience of a karaoke session, practicing an instrument, and even writing your own songs.

And that, is the real experience:

To pretend you’re in charge of your life. I say ‘pretend’ because in reality, no one knows what they’re doing.

The most decisive person you’ve met, is actually a master of pretense. Had they made a ‘bad’ choice, they would still find a way to assume it was the right one.

So yeah. Every decision you make is good…if you say so yourself.

But wait! I forgot.

Maybe you don’t mind what to experience.

Literally, you don’t give a damn. Then what?

Do you close your eyes, roll a dice, and walk to a random door?

I have a better solution…

Technique #2: Decide To Follow Others, Then Decide If It’s a Good Decision.

You think the problem is you…

You don’t take the initiative. You’re wishy-washy. You’re gonna end up miserable, because neither Option A, nor B, nor Z evoke a strong emotion in you.

I disagree.

Sometimes, not deciding is the wisest thing to do.

Like when you were born, and you let some humans appoint the most important sound of your life, a.k.a. your name.

Hopefully they used common sense and didn’t name you “Paperbag”. (Image by author)

Or when they put you in school and you learned to read, do maths, maybe speak a foreign language.

Thank goodness, you agreed!

Kid, you’re going to school. (Image by author)

But it goes further than that.

Think about your hobbies.

You think you chose them? There’s a 75% chance that someone introduced you to comic books, or the guitar, or a painting class, and you just went along because you didn’t know better.

Let’s subscribe you to badminton. (Image by author)

Even the place you grew up, or the holiday trips you went to…

You didn’t decide. And yet, you say: “It’s my city”. As if you were led by your own choice, rather than by circumstances.

Let’s go to Tokyo. (Image by author)

All this to say, you were easy-going at some point.

In other words, you were smart. Maybe you still are, and for good reason: There’s no mental burden. You just do whatever the other person wants to do, and everyone’s happy.

But here’s the problem:

Let’s say you’re guided by Option A. The default path. The one your parents, teachers, or some higher authority chose for you.

But follow the same person/group for too long, and you don’t become ‘yourself’. You become the other person.

But I want to feel like I’m in charge!

The epiphany comes when you become influenced by something else…Through a friend, a book, a forum post, a song that moves you, a poster you see on the street.

You realize there was Option B all along, and now you’re curious.

Finally! You have something called…a desire.

A desire. (Image by author)

Now, please allow me to share a story:

Everyone wants to be an influencer these days.

I am no exception. There was a desire in me, to influence people with my own ideas. Why not start a blog (or a newsletter, or whatever you want to call it)?

Ironically, I was being influenced myself. There was something in me that said: “Go for it!”.

But it’s not that simple.

Yeah. (Image by author)

Sometimes, you don’t trust yourself.

You’ve been addicted to what other people say. Because deep inside, you think you can’t make a ‘good’ decision without the approval of someone else.

Remember: You’ve been following others since you were a kid.

So what do you do?

As expected. (Image by author)

And that is the fate of the easy-going person.

What a tragedy!

I’ll say it’s awesome news.

Not pursuing your passion, not listening to your heart…it’s a great decision.

At least you decided to enter a room.

Now you can assess whether you like it or not.

If ‘don’t start a blog’ makes you quit social media all together, and you’re living out your best life…You made the right choice.

On the other hand, if you’re still thinking about your blog, you’ll feel bitter. The evidence of your desire will be so loud and clear, you won’t tolerate it anymore.

Great. Now you know what to do.

All these years you ‘wasted’ by not believing in yourself? By procrastinating? They actually served you:

To realize you were exactly meant for that.

So follow the next steps:

1. Sneak to Option B in secret (people don’t have to know).
2. Make your project, or whatever your intuition calls you to do.
3. Then decide if it’s a good or a bad decision.

If it turns out to be bad, painfully bad like you cannot even look at the monstrous junk you’ve created…

Sneak back to Option A and hide all traces of your crime.

Technique #3: Decide That You Don’t Have to Pick a Side.

But what if you can’t choose between Option A or B…

Because you really want both?

Getting fit is tomorrow, but the churro is now. (Image by author)

Let’s say you want to get fit. So you move your body, you eat clean foods, and you sleep earlier.

But on your way to the gym, you see a stand selling delicious-looking churros. Your mouth is drooling. But you read somewhere that these fried pastries are too sugary, too greasy, overall bad for you.

So which door will you choose?

Only choose one. (Image by author)

Go to any aggressive self-help video, and they’ll tell you:

Have some priorities. Do you want an amazing body and mind, or do you want to fill your temple with junk food and become morbidly OBESE? You choose. Of course, you should cut ALL the churros for the rest of your life, if you care about discipline. Or would you rather be asleep like 99,9 % of the population?

That’s sneaky. It’s not even about what you want; it’s about what you think you should want.

Life becomes a morality game, and that’s no fun: You’re constantly thinking in terms of Good/Bad. There’s Good and Bad food. Good and Bad choices. Which means you’re either a Good or a Bad person.

From experience, too much black-and-white thinking does no Good for the soul. Because you’re denying a part of you that actually wants the churros, or the sushi, or the cheese pasta.

And surprise, surprise…

Restricting the Bad food makes you crave the Bad food even more.

Okay. Sometimes you’re better off cutting an entire product, or an ‘addiction’, so your decisions are easier. Like when you pass through a McDonalds and you say: “Nah, I never eat Big Macs”. Straight to the point.

But for the ambivalent readers, let me suggest Option C…

Option C. (Image by author)

If you really want the snack, then decide it.

Instead of thinking you’re pushed by some uncontrollable force, say: “I decide to eat the churros and enjoy them”. Now it’s not a craving anymore. It’s a tasty food you really want to experience, so you go for it.

No more repression.

Allow yourself to make a decision, not the decision to make you…a bad, undisciplined, (insert any degrading trait you can think of) person.

It’s all about negotiation.

Sometimes, you feel like there’s two people arguing in your head. To stop the drama, listen to both of them.

Become a master of compromising. (Image by author)

If you’re easy-going, it means you hate conflict.

You’re a natural peacemaker. That’s your talent.

Use it whenever you’re stuck with two ‘contradicting’ choices.

For instance, should you become an artist or a scientist? Just choose both. Find the artistic beauty in science, and the scientific logic in art. Or even better, merge everything you enjoy doing and turn it into your own career.

Same thing if you’re dealing with other people.

If you and your friend don’t know where to eat…Let’s say one chooses the place, the other chooses the time to meet. Now the weight is lighter; you’ve both compromised to share a decision.

Then on D-Day, as you pass by a French-Korean restaurant, a sushi-burger café, a croissant-donut bakery…You’ll laugh and say:

“Whatever. We can have the best of both worlds!”

Technique #4: When a Decision is Made, Decide To Lock It.

Good news, most decisions are refundable.

You could study five years of computer science, then completely turn around and become a yoga teacher…if that’s your calling.

But for some people, we re-enter and re-exit too many times, meaning we go nowhere. Like when you hit the Send button, and your brain gets all panicky.

No exit. (Image by author)

That’s a trap!

Too much back-and-forth, and you’re signaling your mind that you’d rather stay in the same room. Forever.

But sometimes, it’s too late to go back.

The flight tickets are bought. The papers are signed. The vulnerable message is sent. You said yes when you wanted to say no. No when you wanted to say yes. You didn’t have the guts to initiate contact with someone.

Whatever that is. Something’s itching at the back of your throat.

An indication that you’ve made…a stupid mistake!

PR stands for…(Image by author)

Okay, please take a deep breath.

You’re about to face Potential Regret (PR for short).

You’ll be thinking stuff like: “I should’ve done this! I shouldn’t have said that! Why didn’t I do this instead? I made something wrong! OMG, this is a life or death situation!”

Well, if a decision is locked…

Decide that you locked it yourself.

Pretend it was a good decision all along, because it is a good decision.

If you do the maths:

Bad decisions lead to good decisions.

Good decisions lead to good decisions.

The point is: You always make good decisions.

If you say: “I want to live with no regret”,

then what’s left is Potential…

You have Potential. (Image by author)

Open it.

Your future self is saying: “Thank you for making that decision. Had you never gone through that door, you would’ve never met these people, these events, these ways of thinking, this resilience.”

All the things you’ve decided or didn’t decide led you to where you are now. Isn’t that awesome? Could be good, could be bad…WHO CARES. WHATEVER. YOU’RE GONNA HAVE AN EXPERIENCE.

You’re an easy-going person.

You probably don’t mind what to experience anyways.

Okay, maybe your heart is pounding.

Because you sense your life is gonna change.

It’s scary, but it’s also exciting.

So with a trembling hand, you reach for the handle of Potential.

You never know…That’s the fun part. (Image by author)

You decide to exit the room.

Finally. I’m getting out of here!!!

And that could be the best decision you’ll ever make.

Thank you for reading! ✿

You’ve reached the second symbol:

May you have the most decisive February.
- Emilie

Access the first symbol here: SPIRAL

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