3 Secrets That Makes A Man Fall In Love With You

In most progressive countries, we have been taught for years that men and women really aren’t that different at all and that the differences that do exist are due to social constructs and norms. If that is really the case, then why the heck are men’s motives often so difficult to grasp?

It simply isn’t true that men and women are the same — and when you start learning the differences, navigating the world becomes much easier as you learn to understand men better and use the knowledge to your advantage.

Whilst it is true that society helps shape the roles of men and women, our hormonal, psychological, physiological, and biological differences play a far, far bigger role in the differences in the roles we play in society and, most importantly, with each other.

Men don’t ‘get’ women, and vice versa. The typical games that repeatedly play out between men and women are strong, primal patterns, not coincidences.

There are many differences between men and women, but I find that the following are some of the biggest — and to understand these, if nothing else, about men is life-changing in itself:

Difference #1 — Stress and peace

Remember when I said that our hormonal differences play a role? Women bond through oxytocin, and men bond through vasopressin. I’ll keep this simple by saying that oxytocin is the Peace hormone and vasopressin is the Stress hormone. (simplified, but you get the idea…)

As a woman trying to bond with a man, you’ll probably try to smother him in oxytocin because that’s what feels good/right to you on a subconscious level. That will look like being overly nice, available, accommodating, easygoing, and trying to please him to make him happy and avoid friction.

Treat others how they want to be treated, right? Not exactly. When possible, you should treat others how they would like to be treated: something that is only possible when you know how.
Now I can’t speak for how any individual man wants to be treated on a conscious level, but if you want him to bond with you (or fall in love with you), you’ll have to trigger his vasopressin and not oxytocin. I called vasopressin the Stress hormone — but it’s more accurately the hormone that releases when you are problem-solving — or rising to a challenge — it is a reactive hormone to (solving) stress. That’s why, if you want a man to fall for you, you’ll have to stress him out a little — just enough to get that problem-solving vasopressin flowing.

While both genders secret both hormones, each gender will only bond through their gender-specific hormone. That’s why, if you want a man to fall for you, you’ll have to make him work for you.
This is also one of the reasons that sleeping with a man too soon usually prevents him from falling in love, but we’ll cover that another time.

Difference #2 — The cat-mouse chase that we women find so frustrating is crucial to a man.

Now that you understand vasopressin vs oxytocin or Peace vs Stress/Challenge, Difference #2 should already make a bit of sense.
We women often try to throw cold water on this back-and-forth chase with a man. If we like him, and he likes us, it should be smooth sailing, right? No.
Getting a man to bond with you shouldn’t be painful, but make it too easy, and you rob him of any perceived challenge of getting you to like him, or more accurately said, winning you over. This process of winning you over is crucial to your romantic relationship with any man. If there is no chase, then there is no challenge, and if there is no challenge, there is no vasopressin released in his body as he tries to problem-solve how to win you over.

Don’t rob him of the opportunity of winning you over.
Men can only truly value what they earn. A man who does not get to earn you won’t be able to truly value you.

So does that mean you should play games and play “hard to get”? Absolutely not.
In a world where you truly understand your inherent value as a woman, you don’t have to play hard to get. If you truly understand your worth, you will not yearn for a relationship with a man who has done nothing to impress you just because you like him. You would watch and observe his character before wanting to settle down with him.
This is discernment, and this discernment alone will be a perceived challenge to a man, as he has to earn your trust and affection, as it isn’t a given.
You should be discerning of any new love interest, as you take time to know them and observe who they are and what they are like before you place your trust and affection in them.

Difference #3 — Women react to what is being said, men react to whether something is being said at all.

When it comes to talking to the opposite gender in a romantic context, generally speaking, women respond to the content of what is actually being said, and men respond to contact or no contact and much less of what you’re actually saying.

Here are a few examples: Have you ever received a text from a guy you’ve maybe been a little involved with, only for him to ignore you when you text him back? Even if it’s something simple as “hey, how have you been?” to which you respond, “I’ve been good, wbu? :)” they’ll leave you on read, and you’ll be thinking to yourself, why the heck he would then text, to begin with.

In this scenario, he doesn’t really care about your response. He’s looking to see whether you’re responding or not. Contact or no contact. It shows him that you still care and/or are hooked, and that’s all he needs to feed his ego, which is the only thing he is trying to achieve in this scenario. The only message you can really send him is contact or no contact. The content is nearly completely irrelevant.

The above example is superficial, but this works on every level, so here’s another one:

Have you ever been frustrated with a boyfriend and found yourself explaining to him why and how he is hurting you, then given him the exact solution to stop hurting you, only for nothing to change and soon repeat the process all over? To you, it’s like he’s either stupid or deaf. Why the heck isn’t he getting it? In this scenario where it’s a boyfriend, this behavior most likely has nothing to do with how much he loves and respects you but everything to do with his male instincts to contact or no contact.
Make no mistake: this man is not stupid. He has heard you every single time, and he gets it. However, on a primal level, nothing motivates and entices him to change his behavior. Contact or no contact. You keep talking, and it shows him how much you care about him, which is exactly what the man who loves you wants to feel.

Don’t make the mistake of believing your man is stupid. Never overexplain yourself to men. If you need to tell him something, tell him just once. Twice at the maximum. Tell him shortly and in a matter-of-fact manner:

“Hey, when you take the phone out when we’re talking in bed, it makes me feel like you don’t care about me.” Then stop. Don’t tell him what to do instead, or offer him the solution. He is not dumb, he will figure out the solution on his own.

If you give him the solution to a problem, you give him a chore. When you leave out the solution to a problem, you give him a challenge. You want to give him the challenge as he is happier with it.

After you’ve told a man once, maximum twice, don’t offer him a deeper explanation and don’t fight with him(!). Next time he does the same thing, merely be cold and almost ignore him. In this scenario where you are being cold as he is on his phone yet again, he might ask you what’s wrong. If you’ve already told him, then make no mistake: he already knows. Do not take the bait. He is looking for you to overexplain yourself because you usually will. Excuse yourself to the bathroom or ignore him and say goodnight. I promise you, that phone will soon be gone.

Ignore him (or be cold) when you would normally fight him, and you will both soon be happier.

Men and women have many similarities, but we also have significant differences in how we approach situations because of our biological makeup. Don’t make the mistake of becoming bitter at men because of these differences.
Men are just as frustrated as we are.

You can keep complaining that men are men, or you can accept the differences and use them to your advantage, to protect yourself, and to learn to like men for who they are.