Ushers Open them Doors! Examining religious structures as third spaces.
There’s this running joke in my family that only I seem to bring up and hysterically laugh at:
One early morning when we were much younger, we were in church, seated with the rest of the congregation, as the Reverend made his rounds around the pew.
It was at the break point of the sermon where he usually pulls in members of the congregation. He would come around the pew and engage the audience in a call and response. An exercise that also works to wake up the people that were sleeping.
Anyway, he makes his way around and proceeds to ask us, a couple of pre-teens:
“how many of you have given your lives to Christ?”
My mother quickly answered:
all of them, they have all given their lives!
Now, this wasn’t the first time the Reverend had talked to us. And my mother is not someone that worries about her children being “put on the spot,” unless she’s not in approval for a different reason. In instances like this, she expects you to be bold, poised and respond in great English; sounding intelligent. After all, you are from a good home, you have proper upbringing, and you are attending a good school.
I still find her reaction funny and I guess I will never know why she reacted that way. But sometimes I let myself wonder. Was she preventing being embarrassed if we answered that we haven’t? Was she answering for us from a place of feeling like she knew everything about us? Like many mothers do. Did she really know us like that? Our inner thoughts? Why we come to church every Sunday with them? Was she saving us from the hubbub, or deliverances that might ensue if we said we haven’t? Did she think we automatically gave our lives to Christ because we were raised in a Christian household? I will never know.
Years later, I still laugh whenever I remember that incident.
Lately, I have come across . Many of these spaces have not recovered from the social blow of the pandemic and the continued withdrawal from community.
As cliche as this reason might sound, it led me to reflect on why I went to church every Sunday.
Honestly, at that age, I did not think of giving my life to anybody. My parents already had control of my life, so I was not thinking of giving it to someone else willingly. The threat of going to hell, being possessed by something else, and having wishes that I wanted to be granted brought me to a compromise. I assume that this was the case for many children. There were some Sundays that I went to church because it was an obligation, a family routine that was embedded in that day. My parents, my whole family went, so I did. There were some days (fewer) where something came up in the family, and we didn't go to church. Then there were days when I was genuinely happy to go to church.
I know the topic of religion is one that can make people either beam with smiles or foam at the mouth. These reactions are not unwarranted. Using the church as an example, I will say that there have been wonderful community and philanthropic impacts made because of the church. But we cannot ignore the wars, colonization, extremism, theft, hierarchy, and demonization of other religions and lifestyles that have been spearheaded and encouraged by the church. Not to mention the subjugation of women and girls and encouragement of martyrdom by suffering through toxic situations. Also, the human tendency to trust and believe in a higher power bigger than ourselves, opens the door to bad actors who exploit and abuse people financially, sexually and in other forms that I can’t even begin to wrap my head around. Because the church is an inherently conservative space, it is easy for people that have been victimized to be silenced as they would have to battle with speaking up and risking ostracism. These reasons, as well as other personal reasons are why people stay away from the church and other religious spaces.
Since the church is woven into the fabric of society as a social structure, under the umbrella of religion which is a pillar of society, it can be hard to think of it as a third space.
When I reflect on those childhood reactions I had every Sunday morning when it was time to go the church, I ask myself what my reasons were. The other reasons for having those feelings, aside from obligation and giving my life to Christ (which I already debunked), all came down to:
- Community: church was one of the places (for my parents, me and my siblings) where we made new friends, and maintained friendships with those friends that were not immediately accessible to us because they lived away from our neighborhood. My parents had other social groups that they were a part of, so, not going to church wouldn’t have hurt their social lives that much. But some people from those groups attended the same church and these connections strengthened as a result. While it was normal for many kids to be shy, it wasn’t a crippling shyness at least in church. We took turns to read bible verses during children Sunday school (bible studies), and sing hymns, and praise songs. Some starred in plays too. If there was a place to practice public speaking and control your shyness, it was in church (and school). It was also a place to practice social interactions, politics and leadership for the adults (for some kids too). There was always a group or a committee or board to join and activities that helped you build or hone skills.
- Ceremonies, wealth and art: well maintained cathedrals and chapels are awe inspiring. Many people give their best work of art and their best donations to the church. The most notable example is the Sistine chapel in the Vatican. But this trickle down effect to a notable well maintained Anglican, Catholic, or Methodist church in a city is not to be trifled with. For many poor kids, the church is their first brush with wealth, art and ceremony. Communion bread and wine, traditional music customized for Christianity, praise and worship songs. Rich hymns, classical music played by an orchestra, or from an organ or piano, the church bell. Coming from a middle class family, I still remember our short stint at a Pentecostal church that did not have all these bells and whistles, and how glad I was when we went back to our regular Methodist church. Religion, and by extension the church, shapes taste.
- Fashion: Sunday best is called that for a reason. While I was growing up, I had home clothes, holidays and church clothes, and school uniforms. My mother, the neighborhood young adult women, and the church girls and women were my fashion inspiration. Also the rise in kidnappings (still happening) meant that the little social privileges we enjoyed without direct supervision from parents were rolled back. There was a palpable fear that forced you to be aware of your surroundings, and contact with strangers, and even estranged people. Additionally, the urge to control any hint of promiscuity (whether imagined or real) got stronger in my household as we grew into our pre-teen and teenage years. Given all this development, I was no longer putting outfits together for some neighborhood friend’s birthday party. The outfits I put together were for church, social night (at secondary school), family events, festivals and any excursions and trips we took during the holidays. There’s something about the conservatism of the church that forces you to get creative in how you shop and style outfits. There was always that question: will this outfit work for church and a trip to the zoo, or Ojukwu bunker? If not, how do I repurpose it so it works? Can I wear this top to church, and then wear it with something else for social night at secondary school? I observed something similar with my Muslim friends during Eid and other notable celebrations, that was when they brought out their best fashion fits.
- Structure and routine: it didn’t matter if it was a Sunday that I was feeling it or not. As long as there were no conflicting plans on my parents side, we were going to church. I feel like this structure and routine (along with other things that provided structure), influenced how I still show up to commitments, after the initial joy has worn off and the time to honor it came. I may be a bit late, but I will still show up.
With the state of the economy and videos floating around of pastors strong arming members of the congregation out of their money, along with the rise of pay to play private spaces. The cultural and class gap keeps widening.
Religion as a social structure is also weaved into personal identity for many people. Additionally, it has given birth to third spaces like churches and mosques etc. It may become one of the last barriers that counters the dissolution of community as well as class and cultural mixing. It is not coincidence that conservatism is on the rise.
However, people have also become more invested in holding religious spaces accountable for all the ways they have failed them as I listed in an earlier path of this essay (in italics). So, it will be interesting to see how the space of religion as it relates to community evolves in say five to ten years.
As we became full teenagers bothering on adulthood, my parents gave us the choice of either going to church or staying at home on Sundays. Sometimes I went, other times I didn’t. Now, I have moved away from home (to another continent). I used to go to church off and on before the pandemic started. I haven’t been to one in a while after the pandemic slowed down.
Have my reasons changed? Hmm . . . I will think on that.
