June ’23: On making peace …
I am sitting in bed, it’s 2:24am, I am reflecting on how June went. I scroll up to read May’s dump to give me a sort of reminder or inspiration. I read the last paragraph of my dump — For June, I really hope to do, to run with the vision, follow the yearnings of my spirit. I pray for restoration in my fellowship with God. To be at peace and filled with joy. To have more firsts and gain clarity. In this moment, I am truly grateful because June was all I hoped for.
June started at a rather slow pace, it was giving bleh and random and I didn’t think I would write a dump or make a reel. But mid into the month I entered a season of my life I like to call — Surrendering.
For most of this year and some part of last, I had struggled and been unsettled, I needed to know what I was to do regarding my career, I felt unfulfilled and wanted answers but didn’t seem to be getting anything clear. But by mid-June I finally made peace with what Holy spirit has been laying in my heart for the longest.
The thing with choosing surrender is that it can be difficult, you will cry sweat and blood, letting go of your plans and desires for His isn’t the easiest but on the other side of surrender is peace.
June saw me learning to surrender it all to Him, learning to trust, to let go, drop my net and run with the vision He has placed in my heart, the yearnings that have been tugging at my heart for the longest. Step by step, trusting it will be clearer with time, knowing it would make sense at the end.
Entering into this place of surrender came with the most peace I have ever felt in a while, no longer did I struggle with where I was and where I had hoped to be or with the question of what next. From time to time the thief called comparism rears his ugly head but on those days, I am reminded of the words I wrote in my journal on that 12th day of June, while sitting on the floor, tears soaking the sheets.
With surrender, came restored flow with God, the struggle with sadness and overthinking always led me away from Him, dwelling in worry, hence my heart drew nearer now I was in sync with Him.
June saw me take bold steps in line with this vision, steps I would share freely soon when it fully becomes reality.
Sometime in June, I randomly met two people at work and from conversations, we realized we were on this same journey of changing career paths, figuring this career thing out, with the ups and downs that comes with it. it was so refreshing connecting on that level and being able to encourage ourselves. I really felt seen and understood and I’m sure they did too.
This reminded me that at the end of the day we are really not alone. No human experience is entirely new. You only need to open up and share with people for you to realize you are actually going through the same things, might be exactly same situations or similar with slight variations. That’s why God gave us people, communities: for you to lean on them as they lean on you, to encourage each other, to pray for and with each other, to hold hands and do this life thing together.
In June, I had a few more firsts, I dyed my hair ginger, something I have hoped to do for the longest, before you get too excited, it was a temporary dye but a step closer to the dream right. At least this can wash off, before my father and mother come for me lol. I lost a tooth, learnt to play basketball and had another modelling shoot. I really do hope to put myself out there and someday maybe make this modelling thing a side gig fr fr.
In June, I had a fall out with a friend, and it messed with me emotionally a whole lot, God is teaching me to give grace, to see from people’s side, to see my faults too, expanding my heart to love, as He calls it. In June, I also rebounded a close friendship that had slowly deteriorated due to distance, it feels so good to rekindle that closeness, to know that the love and understanding is still intact.
June saw me fellowshipping more with other believers, I was consistent in church, and I joined a bible study group, I like that it is a little group as it encourages me to contribute. While I totally love praise and worship, and enjoy having conversations with Jesus, I struggle with bible study, I plan to be more intentional and to build a daily lifestyle of studying in July, so help me God.
Some of my favorite people had their birthdays in June. I love celebrating my people and I love that they had the absolute best days.
June was a work-filled month, endless hours spent in front of the screen, meetings running into midnight. I was burnt out, but the month ended with a 2-day public holiday, 5 days of leave and 2 weekends all running into July. That sounds like rest and recovery, loveet for me.
I spent some time at home with my parents in June, I love how they love me. I truly do.
On the flip side, the price of fuel skyrocketed and the price of transportation and literally everything else followed suit, other shades of sheges were equally shown. On some days it is hard to maintain hope, but we speak positive of the nation and hold on to the little hope, that someday, one day, things would truly get better, amen.
Altogether June was a good month, not so eventful but truly good.
For July, I pray that my heart is continuously kept in this peace, I pray for grace to keep running (lol), to be filled with joy, to create memories, give my best at work, write and share freely and to say no to the stealing spirits called fear and comparism whenever they try to come for my peace and joy.
