Is it possible to be “Too feminist”?

What does it mean to be “Too feminist”?
I don’t think I could answer that question.
I certainly don’t believe the men who have called me that can answer that question.
I do not believe, for even a second, that the woman who called me “Too feminist” can answer that question.

However, there is an explanation for the resurgence of this term-
A woman who is “Too feminist” is somebody who does not accept patriarchal aggressions as minor as they may appear to be. Often, a woman who does not conceal her beliefs for the sake of avoiding conflict or causing discomfort is “Too feminist”.
It stems from the same disrespectful and patronizing place that the term “Over Educated” arises as an insult to women, who also cause discomfort to men. Only in this situation, the woman is not championing a cause, she simply exists with knowledge that a man cannot claim. Her very existence threatens the man, the same way the existence of a woman who is “Too feminist” threatens the beneficiaries of a woman’s oppression.

The consequence of my being “Too feminist” was that a large population of the boys at my school did not want to interact with me. Letting aside the fact that I reciprocated this sentiment as early as the 8th grade, it was fascinating to observe. Misogynistic men, when confronted with their behavior, will often avoid the source of their discomfort altogether rather than face the demon that is accountability. They avoid the women who are capable of recognizing their disrespect and instead choose to dismiss these call-outs by branding these women “Too feminist”.
In a society where being a feminist is viewed as an undesirable trait in a woman, they use yet another one of the system’s virtues, and deem them undesirable.
The term “Too feminist” is a warning for other men, by men. It uses the male validation that women have been conditioned to crave, as a bat-signal (Snyder’s cut). A call that saves men from being subjected to a woman who is assertive and does not tolerate micro-aggressions in the form of “jokes” and tradition, or is vocal about her opinions in the shadow of injustice.

So, men feel threatened and use the term to deem a woman undesirable by male standards. What about women? What motivations could a woman have to use the term “Too feminist” in the context of an insult?

Since birth, a woman’s life is centered around the idea of a man. The need for male validation is ingrained into our women, whether in the form of marriage or simply abiding by a man’s standards for a woman- Subservient and pleasing. However, with the evolution of our society, the feminist movement, and other activist causes, that trope has also evolved. Men will no longer brag about wanting a submissive wife; now, they want an independent woman.
But do not be fooled, the independent woman they wish for must only exist within the framework of his grace. His allowance must be cardinal and undisputed. She can be an office worker, but only because he has “allowed” her that opportunity. She contributes to the finances of the household, yet only he decides how it is spent. She thrives in her career but still comes back home before him to clean, cook, and take care of his parents and their children by virtue of the genitalia between her legs.
When a woman is “Too feminist”, she is undesirable in the sense that she does not see his grace as a requirement. She does not hold it in a precious gaze, and acts accordingly with them. A woman who is “Too feminist” prioritizes herself and her independence over his dependence. She does not ask for permission because she knows that she does not need to do so. A woman who is “Too feminist” is thus detached from any need or want for male validation.
A woman who is “Too feminist” is an individual within her own right, living for herself.

When a woman uses this term- “Too feminist”, she chastises the idea that the other woman is undesirable by male standards, i.e., the standards women have been raised to satisfy. Her derogation is based entirely on the notion that men, when they are eventually given a choice, will choose the woman who lives within the shadow of their grace, and subsequently, discard the woman who does not choose to do the same.
This, unfortunately, is just another example of how the patriarchy manifests inside other women as well.
The same way we grew up being body-shamed by women around us, belittled for our opinions, silenced in our expressions, a woman who is “Too feminist” challenges everything that women of generations prior have been taught never to question. Only to submit.

I do not blame the women who grow uncomfortable in the presence of the woman who is “Too feminist”. After all, the silent one can always speak when given the opportunity, but what can the silenced say even when they have been given a chance by the ones who silence?
Over generations of oppression and violence, women have enforced these standards themselves in favor of their own survival. In a society that has historically murdered and abused those women who ask for the right to exist, what else could the women in our ancestry do to protect their little girls who wished for the right to thrive?
Let me make clear that at no point in your reading this do I wish to assert myself as being better than these women. I empathize with them. I do not doubt that if I were born in a situation that does not afford me the privilege I have now, I too would perpetuate this stigma and continue this cycle of suppression.
It is the same answer that arises to the people who thought that they would be on the right side of history if they were alive in Nazi Germany- No, you wouldn’t.
When we live in a system that enforces violence, compliance becomes survival. However, revolution becomes a right of the populace.

Revolution under the patriarchy does not have to be a violent takeover or even a bra-burning protest. Revolution is as simple as your very existence. Take up your own space as a woman under a system that demands that you only exist within the space of a man. Even the small act of asserting your independence and the bigger one of defying the standards that we have killed ourselves attaining are all part of the much larger movement to a world where a woman’s existence is not political discourse.
And that is what earns you the title “Too feminist”. Thus, I embrace it.