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Lisa Borders

Published in

Slackjaw

I’m A ‘90s Rock Star Trying To Make A Comeback, And I’ve Been Encouraged To Apologize For A Few…

Rumors that I used to sleep with underage fans are both appalling and, most importantly, unprovable.

May 1, 2024

I’m A ‘90s Rock Star Trying To Make A Comeback, And I’ve Been Encouraged To Apologize For A Few…

May 1, 2024

Published in

Greener Pastures Magazine

I’m a Woman Who Grew up in New Jersey, and Rumors About Real, Yellowjackets-Style Cannibal Cults…

I would say that even if notes that read “squealers get skewers” weren’t habitually left in my locker and occasionally mailed to my home.

Mar 24, 2023

I’m a Woman Who Grew up in New Jersey, and Rumors About Real, Yellowjackets-Style Cannibal Cults…

Mar 24, 2023

Published in

The Belladonna Comedy

Tabloid Headlines If We Talked About Men the Way We Talk About Women

Poor Brad, Will He Ever Find Love?

Sep 30, 2022

Tabloid Headlines If We Talked About Men the Way We Talk About Women

Sep 30, 2022

Published in

The Belladonna Comedy

Things I, an American Woman, Did LastWeekend for No Particular Reason at All

Cried more than Brett Kavanaugh during his confirmation hearings — likely due to menopause and a re-watching of Dirty Dancing, certainly…

Jun 30, 2022

Things I, an American Woman, Did LastWeekend for No Particular Reason at All

Jun 30, 2022

Published in

The Belladonna Comedy

Reasons to Shave Your Legs in Winter

It’s hard to fantasize about Paul Rudd when your legs look like the Acadia National Forest.

Mar 14, 2022

Reasons to Shave Your Legs in Winter

Mar 14, 2022

Published in

The Belladonna Comedy

Virus Seeking Host: The Omicron Variant Sets Up An OkCupid Profile

I’m as horny for you as a frat brother after a six pack of Natty Ice, and equally safe to be around.

Dec 12, 2021

Dec 12, 2021

Published in

The Belladonna Comedy

Things Men on the Street Have Murmured About My Breasts or R.E.M. Songs?

Wowee, Winnebagoes!

Apr 27, 2021

Things Men on the Street Have Murmured About My Breasts or R.E.M. Songs?

Apr 27, 2021

Published in

The Belladonna Comedy

Things Joe Biden Could Do Instead of Run for President

1. Apologize to Anita Hill

Jun 4, 2019

Things Joe Biden Could Do Instead of Run for President

Jun 4, 2019

Lisa Borders

Lisa Borders

New novel, Last Night at the Disco, coming in Fall 2025. Humor in McSweeney's, Points In Case, Belladonna. Twitter: @lisaborders or visit

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