Do You Have Children? (Life of a Child-Free Woman)

The older I get, the more people inquire if I have children.

As a young woman, I thought I would have a brood of children by now. Even as a child, I imagined adopting many children.

But life went a different path for me, and as I got older, I realized that having children were not the right choice for me.

That is a choice that some people understand. It is also a choice that some people don’t understand. It’s a choice that alienates me at times.

I recently attended a month-long artist residency with 15 other participants. A small group of woman participants gathered in a side room, and I sat down to join them.

One of the women noted that all the women participants at the residency seem to either be the age before they have children or after their children are grown and out of the house. Many of the other women agreed and noted that their children were grown.

Then the woman looked at me and said, “You might be the one exception.”

She asked my age and if I have children.

The audacity of her question surprised me. She didn’t know if I struggled with infertility or lost children. She didn’t know if I’d be discussing a deeply complicated or painful topic.

I chose to answer. I said I’m 39 and do not children.

The group let out a collective “Ahhh…” as if I had just affirmed their theory.