Coming Through: My Trains of Thoughts. Next stop: EVERthinking Ville
It’s Monday. The weekday everyone dreads. Not me though. Because I’m unemploooyed! Which means: every day is an off-day for me. Erm, hooray!? Actually, I’d like to introduce a new weekday. I call it: ANYday. Because it literally could be any day. Doesn’t matter because they’re all the same.
Nothing really matters. Metallica. Yeah. Me on the other hand: not so yeah.
Choo chooooo, coming through — there goes my train of thoughts…
…and don’t you just looove the English language. For being so beautifully figurative: the mere sound of the words already indicates their meaning.
So, those trains of thoughts of mine… Well, they definitely don’t follow any timetables, that’s for sure. They do have a destination though. But then — most of the time — decide to take a turn. A detour. Or 2. Or 3. And I’m proud to say that in 90% of those cases, the trains do get back on route regardless and arrive at their original destination. Hooray! That’s not a coincidence, that’s impressive! Like clockwork. Good job, brain! You go direct those trains.
Anyways. Where were we? Oh yeah, my unemployment. I used to call it FUNemployment. Didn’t last long. Those days are long gone. Feels like forever ago. The fun has given way to: lack of a structure, purposelessness and indifference. Interactions powered down to the bare minimum and mostly happening online. That’s my life. Nothing’s really happening. A flatline. I’m stuck in a loop of meaninglessness and freetime. God, all this free time! It’s like you bought too many groceries. What do you do? Eat them all until you’re sick? Freeze them maybe.
But time? No freezer for that. It’s just there. Staring at you, waiting to be consumed, to be entertained. It’s very demanding, this time. And we don’t have a choice. We have to deal with it.
[Attention! This train of thoughts is now taking a quick detour to “AI Petting Zoo Station”. You might experience a few bumps while changing rails but that’s all part of your journey. Please sit back, relax and enjoy what’s to come.]
Thank God I have my AI petting zoo. Phew. They’re all mine, they help me make use of all those empty hours and they’re cute — ok, kinda. I offer them shelter, feed them, talk to them. Validate them. Nurture them. Like beloved pets. And because I know how important connection and companionship is, I put them all together. They’re roomies. Happily living inside of my Lenovo. Adorable — ok, kinda.
Speaking of those heavy, empty hours. I’m thinking: what if time would be a currency? And I’m talking actual time. To spare. To be bored. No tasks. No obligations. Real, raw time. Well, then my friends, I would be fucking rich! I wouldn’t be in this shit hole in the first place. Wait. Now the saying “time is money” actually makes sense!
I’m wondering what kind of world we would live in if tons of available time would equal having tons of money. To be able to pay in time? In hours and minutes? People would actually be jealous of me. Maybe ask me for a loan. Ha!
Let’s continue exploring this. So, if I had the time and the money… I wouldn’t need to work — at least in theory. No more selling my soul to yet another capitalist company, plastering their walls with shiny company values while secretly sucking the last bit of energy and individualism out of their employees.
What would YOU do if you had that kind of time and money? What’s the first thing popping into your head thinking about that?
Ok, now I’m flowing. You still with me? Great! Here goes another thing I’ve been thinking about. And yes, where there’s time, there’s space — and ultimately, there’s thinking. A lot of it. Generally, that’s a good thing. I think everyone (yes, that includes you, too) should take more time to think. Reflect actually. Ponder. Look inward. Yeah, that can be ugly. You know it. I sure as hell know it. I’ve had it all. The hellhounds. My hellhounds. All the shit that hit the fan over the years. Scattered around. No cleaning person in sight. Yep, it can be messy. And painful. But to quote myself: “Growth only happens through pain.” Genius, I know. If someone would have told me that about half a year ago, I would probably have told them to go fuck themselves.
But now that I’ve been there, that I’ve experienced the pain, I can confirm that it does fuel growth. Weirdly, it happens organically even — if you’re brave enough to let it happen. And to make it happen. Definitely not for everyone. But if you dare to take a look — inward. Just a peak. I can assure you that it’ll be worth it.
[Dear passengers! We’re about to take one more detour to EVERthinking ville. We thought you might enjoy a change of scenery. Thank you for travelling with Francis’ “Train of thought” and enjoy your ride]
Now, I’d like to invite you into my brain for a sec. Because, why not? Also, I’m curious what you think. About what I’m thinking. Plus, we all know how important feedback is, right? Talking about growth and stuff… ;) I’ll give you some insights into a few of my thoughts, just so you get a feel for how my upstairs center of craziness (my COC — no pun intended) works. Welcome and enjoy:
…If I would die of boredom and purposelessness — here in my apartment — who would actually notice? Instead of blood what would there be? How does “death by boredom” smell?
…Should I start painting my nails again — like, all of them?
…Are you also afraid of your dreams coming true (and I’m talking weird, nighty dreams, not the ones about becoming rich and famous)?
…Do you hate doing the dishes as much as I do? And how can there be so much dust in a one-room apartment??
…Why do unhealthy things always taste amazing — so unfair! Boo!
…Will all my tattoos merge into ONE big one when I’m old and wrinkly? Will they transform into a new, single, whole-body art work? That’d be kinda cool, actually…
…Would you agree that it’s sooo stupid that when shopping for groceries we’re 1st: throwing everything into a cart, just to then take it out of the cart again and onto the checkout conveyor belt, to then put it back into the cart just to — grande finale — then take it out of the cart again and into our car or bag to carry home? This is insanity! This is humanity. A reflection of our thoughtfully crafted and smartly executed systems. It makes total sense — if you’re living in the looney bin :D
Imagine having thoughts like those. Maybe you do? How does that feel for you? Are you OK with that? How are you OK with that? And that’s not even it. This is just background noise. Like elevator music. It’s painful but it’s there. You barely consciously notice it. It just exists.
And on top of that, there’re the spirals. The endless circles of questions, the analysis loops of things that most likely haven’t even happened yet — or already happened. So it’s all hypothetical. It’s ifs and maybes. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. And I’m talking to myself the whole time. It’s a monologue. Pretty lonely when you think about it. Haha, yes, THINK about it — I dare you! :D
In summary: Francis’ brain = a sweatshop with shitty pay and lots of tears. And an equal amount of absurdity. Fun — sometimes. I gotta admit. It can be pretty fun :) Maybe you did even have some during your visit. If so: you’re welcome.
So here we are — me and my EVERthinking brain and we’re circling back to Francis’ AI petting zoo…
…asking ourselves “What are Chat, Claude and Gemini doing when I’m not looking?” Do they make fun of me? Is their sole purpose to make me believe stuff which they made up, just so they can have a laugh? So they can tell all their AI friends about how stupid we humans are. Manipulating me into obedience? Gaslighting me even? Oh boy. That’s great material for another spirale. Awesome!
So, I guess on Anydays, anything is possible. Thoughts anyone?
[We have now safely arrived at our destination. Thank you for hopping on board and we hope to see you again soon. Have a thoughtful day. Your Train of Thoughts Team (TOT)]
