Learning to sit with my loneliness

well this is new

So I recently found a new hole inside of me. I found it when I came across Eckhart Tolle’s text:

Every emotional pain that you experience leaves behind a residue of pain that lives on in you. It merges with the pain from the past, which was already there, and becomes lodged in your mind and body. This, of course, includes the pain you suffered as a child, caused by the unconsciousness of the world into which you were born.

Lately I’ve been observing the violent ways my body reacts to seemingly innocent things. I find myself asking, “why does this piss me off so much?!” more often than I like.

So when I read this, it got me thinking about my childhood. I had a fairly beautiful childhood. No dad, but a devoted mom who gave me everything she had. I went to only good schools. Got a brand new car at 16 even though mom would never buy new clothes for herself.

So when I reminisce about my childhood, I think mostly about the memories I wish lasted forever. Until now. This very letter is an effort to find the missing pieces.

the hole named loneliness.

When I was little, I wasn’t allowed to play outside like kids my age. My mom considered that very…