Why Your Entire Identity Should Not Revolve Around Motherhood

How identifying exclusively as “mom” increased my guilt and dissatisfaction in parenthood

My entire identity is motherhood, and it has been ruining my experience with my babies.

I’ve heard it a million times since becoming a mom: you must make time for yourself if you want to have a happier, healthier parenting journey.

While I was still pregnant, this sounded perfectly reasonable if not a bit ominous. Sure, of course it would benefit both me and my children for me to have some semblance of personality outside of parenthood. I don’t want to become one of those dreaded “helicopter moms”, right?

I could point out the glaring contradictions often impressed upon mothers: we’re advised to have something “just for us” while simultaneously enduring our devotion to our children being constantly and minutely scrutinized.

But I digress.

I have only ever had jobs working with children. Most significantly, I was a nanny for six years. I always knew I wanted to be a mother and waited eagerly for it to be my turn, to get to care for my own children rather than someone else's.