How Introverts learn Social Skills.

Gamified Productivity

6 min readMar 9, 2024

When I first took a personality test I was an INTP-A (Introvert of Introverts.)

Then I was an INTJ-A (Introverted.)

And now I’m a INFJ-A (Extrovert of Introverts.)

How I got here is just ridiculous.

I understand that personality types do vary from to time but I know for sure that old me would have never considered one of my defining personality traits as “passionate about making a difference in other people's lives” or “pouring a great deal of energy and care into my relationships,”

Also I’ve actually been trying to get good at social skills since I set foot into highschool.

My initial plan(though a success) was the most introverted plan you could think of.

The plan.

1️⃣Read books about social skills📚
2️⃣Watch YouTube videos about social skills.
3️⃣Set Goals🎯
4️⃣Say daily affirmations to myself about things I learned in the books/videos.
5️⃣Say hello to everyone I pass by whilst walking my dog🐕‍🦺
6️⃣Don’t just shut down next time I had a conversation.
7️⃣Fist bump random people.
8️⃣Pretend to be a totally different person around people I’ll never see ever again🎭
9️⃣Record myself over and over.

If you’re an introvert you can probably relate to the way I tackle things.

We read books, make a plan(with a lot of overthinking) and practice independently.

Here’s how it went.

My first instinct: I’ll get a book on it!📕

So long story short I got “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” which was weird because after I read it, it seemed more like a book teaching extroverts how to be introverts but I learned and put a few key concepts into practice.

Be a good listener: A lot of very… manual head nodding and eye contact.
Smiling: Making happy faces in the mirror before I started my day.
Never reveal your ego: This caused me to almost never share events about my day or what I wanted unless somebody deliberately asked.
Compliments: Saying thanks and showing appreciation when given compliments instead of giving people death stares.

I’m a fast reader (1500 words a minute) hence I’ve probably read that book 27–28 times.

How it all began🎒

I certainly had social anxiety back then.

Now I have social apathy(which means I can’t just vibe with most people as well.)

How I cured my social anxiety was by walking my dog and saying hi to people. At the time the fear was very real but luckily most people politely returned it and I ended up making friends of a few of the neighbours.

This really helped kickstart my social skills.

Somebody: Hello!😀 Me: hueh?😶

I discovered from not being a fan of talking a lot that if you don’t use your voice for over an hour it becomes very rusty.

So most of the time, when somebody says “hello!” or “hi!” I end up saying “hehhhh”

I fixed this by speaking out loud when no one was around or by being the first one to say “hello”

I learned extroverts are not always Casanova⛑

Looking from afar extroverts seem to have infinite social skill XP.

For some reason though when I’m put in a neutral position with an extrovert,lets say a group project, I’m mostly the one who has to start the conversation.

Sometimes I beat myself up for not saying hello or being too reserved but if I’m the introvert then shouldn’t they be coming up to me?

If everyone had top tier social skills except me that would be fine. They would be able to get along with an introvert and initiate the social interactions.

I can beat most people at public speaking🔊

We played a public speaking game in Civics class.

In short I won.

For the game you were paired up with an opponent and you were given a topic of debate. The goal is to not stop talking for two minutes, take turns and see who had the most coherent argument.

The winner would pair up with another winner and go again.

If given permission, I can talk A LOT.

I don’t stutter and I’m confident in my ideas.

I can never unhear speaking mishaps now.

Public speaking is easier to get better at through practice sessions than general social skills and plus there’s more to study on it.

That’s why I’m decent at it.

I’ve learned things like melody, tonality, rate of speech, hand gestures and put them into practice.

BTW all personality images are from 16personalities.com

And now I can never unhear the ums and ahs that people say.

Tests, Allies, and Enemies.

Here’s what my current social life looks like.

1 best friend🤝🏻
2–3 secondary best friends for different scenarios.
50+ acquaintances that I can vibe with.
250+ people who call me “the quiet kid”😶
0 enemies🏹

I’m pretty happy with my current state and it isn’t worth trying to act like somebody else all the time to get more “friends.”

However…

🔴Getting rid of anxiety and fear, and becoming socially fluent to build meaningful relationships and connections with other people is another matter.