How long does it really take to move on?

Moving on, seems like the toughest thing while you’re going through it. It feels like the people around you just do not seem to understand the type of pain you’re going through. The kind of pain that hits you in the middle of your work and you lose yourself of the present and have to nudge yourself to get back to the room; the kind of pain that rushes to your heart at night where you keep thinking of just irrelevant things because had those things happened situation might be different but it didn’t and you’re here, reliving the pain.

What keeps me up at night is how easily people turn against you, how easily they keep you hooked on a reality that they’ve no intention to live up to but build it up for you because they find it convenient. Do they find it amusing, joke-worthy to play with your trust and feelings?

I ask myself often as to is it karma? I may have wronged someone somewhere or even them at some point? That they just held you light and loose. I sadly do not wonder what if but what I do ponder over was I could’ve stopped it.

And what I really ask of myself is to let go. But how can you let go of something that you held so closely to your heart? All those moments which you thought were healing you positively, all those conversations making you unlearn years of tragedy which had burdened your entire being? You think…