I Am Not In Control

As part of my journey thru recovery — thru life — I write this article to remind myself of a fundamental truth: I am not in control.

With enough persistence and determination, I can conquer any challenge, achieve any dream.

Sounds like a motivational poster in a high school gym, doesn’t it?

The intoxicating myth of the self-made individual. It’s a heady brew, I am the master of my fate. But let’s sober up, shall we? — don’t miss the subtext. While there’s a grain of truth in that glittering nonsense, it crumbles through our fingers under scrutiny.

My structure, my skill, my steadfast intentions, serendipitous luck, and stamina for persevering — they might paint a portrait of someone who’s in control of their fate. But I have a secret to share. The ugly truth is, I am at the mercy of a power greater than myself and have far less control than I like to admit. The random acts of violence, the manipulations — they don’t give a damn about my plans or my diligence.

I write this not to persuade or convince anyone, but as a reminder to myself. Because when my life ends, I hope to remain humble and thankful for the life I was given, not the life that I chose. Not that I would choose any different, because I love the stubborn, stupid, and quite insignificant person I am, and I am merely the culmination of my experiences.

Consider the entrepreneur who invested everything into their dream, only to watch it crumble under unforeseen circumstances. Or the student…