How to work your way through triggers
A step by step guide.
What is a trigger?
A trigger is a person or a situation that stimulates an intense emotional response in you, which can get out of control. All of us have encountered triggers in one way or another.
Why we get triggered
Triggers always make us feel like we’re going backwards in our healing journey. You might feel like all the healing has gone to waste. It might lead to self sabotage and shame. Triggers are a reminder that you are not in alignment with your highest self. They always teach you something about yourself. You need to approach it with a growth mindset and transform it into a lesson instead of treating it with indignity.
I have listed down two main reasons why we get triggered.
- When a person reflects something about you that you haven’t accepted.
I had struggled with this issue for the longest amount of time. I had trouble accepting my mistakes, and I would always defend myself, even in places where I was wrong. Quite some time ago, I was explaining to my peer how and why he went wrong in his upcoming presentation, and he wasn’t ready to accept it. He was very adamant on being right, and that triggered me a lot. I realise that I hadn’t yet owned this trait of mine, and I wasn’t proud of it either.
Most people are not ready to accept certain toxic behaviours or negative beliefs that they follow. You need to realise that you are only a human and you are bound to have both good and bad qualities. Get to know yourself at a deeper level. Accept all your negative parts and be real to yourself. Work on all your shadow qualities, i.e. all those parts that still need love and healing.
2. When you come across something that you don’t have.
We have all come across people or situations that make us feel belittled. Go back in time and think of a person or a situation that had triggered you because they had something that you deeply wanted. You must have felt like you don’t deserve what they have. This makes you feel insecure and creates a loop of comparison, which is extremely toxic. Therefore, you should use this as a positive trigger. Use the person or the situation as an inspiration. Follow their footsteps and see what you would do if they were in your shoes. For example, if you come across someone who is in your dream relationship, give yourself the self love and the self compassion to attract the right person into your life.
How to deal with it
1. Remove shame
You need to realise that it is totally normal to get triggered. It does not always mean that you have regressed. Think of triggers as powerful gifts to us. They teach us about ourselves and helps us elevate our lives. They are necessary for your growth, so remove all the self criticism associated with it and have self compassion. Realise that the universe is giving you a chance to heal and up level yourself.
2. Don’t let it control you.
The very first thing that you need to do is to learn to identify that you are getting triggered. Notice yourself and observe your feelings. You are stronger and wiser when you observe instead of reacting. Once you realise that you are getting triggered, accept the feelings and feel them completely. However, don’t let them hold onto you. Take a few deep breaths in. Have awareness and think about where this trigger is coming from. You can easily fill in these blanks to answer this question-
I am getting triggered right now, because of ______ (fill in with either of the options I have listed)
Once you have owned your trigger, it is time to take responsibility. Release your pent up emotions and parent yourself. You will need a deep dive into your soul to identify any subconscious beliefs that might resurface these triggers again. This involves some shadow work. The most effective tools that have worked for me the most are meditation, EFT tapping and journalling.
For example, if, as a child, you had to work a lot to get someone’s attention, it must have led you to become a people’s pleaser. However, you were not ready to accept this fact about yourself. And when you met another people pleaser in your life, it triggered you. In this case, you need to work through your beliefs. Accept yourself for who you are and own it. Now you will need to work on it and tell yourself that the people who are meant for you will never make you feel so small. Inculcate a sense of self-love and self-respect within yourself. This will not only help you work through the trigger, but also have more compassion and love towards your inner child, thus healing old wounds. And when you heal your inner child, you also heal your adult self.
On the other hand, if your trigger is coming from feeling insecure about someone who has something that you can’t have right now, always remember that it is very much possible for you to have what they have. I know that life gets hard and sometimes it just feels utterly impossible to go after your dreams. However, you need to remember that a success story is not built overnight. You need to take action and work hard to get what you want.
3. Don’t verbalise it
Words are like spells. When you say something negative, it ripples through the ends of the universe and becomes your reality later in life. Any time you get triggered, you need to ask yourself whether your peace is more important or reacting to this trigger is? You might not know straight away why you are triggered. So do not react impulsively by saying/doing something that you will regret later. If you have trouble finding why you get triggered, the best way to go about it is to journal. Everyday, write down all your good and bad qualities and where you think they are stemming from. Think of all the situations and all the conditions that framed you this way.
Here are some common examples of situations that might make you feel triggered and how you can deal with them
- You met a messy person, who does not meet your standards of maintaining cleanliness. Talk it out sympathetically and find a solution with that person.
- You see a very successful person, and it makes you feel absolutely useless and you get judgemental towards yourself. Work through your subconscious blocks and choose an abundance mindset. Remember that if it’s possible for them, it’s possible for me; and get into action.
- You get triggered by someone leaving you, you need to work on your abandonment issues.
- You get triggered on matters related to money and finances. You need to get rid of your scarcity mindset and find ways of expanding your income.
- If you feel like you are not worthy enough, you had to perform to get love. Parent your inner child and heal yourself.
- If you get triggered by loud noises, you were probably subjected to a very chaotic environment as a child. You might want to surround yourself with soft-spoken people and find your home in a peaceful area.
The moment you realise that triggers are indeed blessings from the universe, your whole life will change. They are like a mirror in which you can introspect and examine your soul. They are direct guides that show you parts of yourself that need love and healing. Be more grateful for them and look at them as opportunities for growth. Once you start approaching triggers with this mindset and start to work through them, you will not feel as affected by them. You will become a higher version of yourself, who prefers observing before reacting. Your triggers can either be the death of you or help you evolve into a better version of yourself.
Thanks for reading :)
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