Election of the American Pope by the Cardinals is Wrong

“The Pope Isn’t Chosen by God? This Story Might Prove It”

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Just got an American elected as Pope. America finally did it. We exported Hollywood, fast food, democracy—and now, the papacy. Yes, an American Pope. As in, “Pope Francis 2.0” with a hint of barbecue sauce and a Boston accent.

Let me start by saying — this might ruffle a few robes.
And if you’re a devoted Roman Catholic, kindly put down the holy water. I promise, I’m not here to start a war with the Vatican. I’m just here with a story. A Bible story, to be precise. And possibly a little divine common sense.

My Friend’s Crisis of Faith

So I’m sitting at this popular café one Sunday, having brunch after church, the food tasting suspicious — far from what I expected, when my friend Mitchell storms in like she’s late for a protest.

She plops down, takes her own brunch order, and goes,
“Wait — Angel, are you very much aware the Pope is elected by men? Actual cardinals? Human beings? Like voting and all that jazz? No clouds parting, no dove descending?”

I blinked. And hoped she would just be quiet and allow me finish what I was doing before she came in.