Beyond Whitelighting: Other Ways People Unintentionally Invalidate Your Feelings

Are you feeling unheard? Unpacking how to deal with the common, unintentional ways people invalidate your emotions

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You’re going through something tough. Maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed, sad, anxious, or deeply frustrated.

You decide to open up to someone you trust: a friend, a family member, your partner. You gather your courage, share a piece of your vulnerability, hoping for connection, understanding, or just to feel less alone.

Their response leaves you worse, more isolated, misunderstood, maybe even guilty for feeling what you feel.

We often talk about ‘whitelighting’ or ‘toxic positivity, the pressure to slap a happy face on everything, dismissing genuine struggle with platitudes like ‘good vibes only!’

But invalidation isn’t always that obvious. Sometimes, it comes from people who genuinely care about you, who think they are helping. And those unintentional moments can sting just as much, because they leave you feeling unheard by the people you expect support from.

I’ve been on the receiving end countless times. I’ve probably done it myself before I learned better. It’s a painful disconnect, and…