I Don’t Want to Die Because I Want to Live

But life looks so hopeless

I am just 20 years old, and the thought of killing myself often comes to my head. But I will never do this, because the only heart that never gave up on me is my own, and I can’t just kill it because life looks hopeless.

I have tried too many things till now, I have tried to motivate my self with self-development books, like — “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving a Fu*k” but it was not helpful, the author’s thoughts clash with my own thoughts at some point. And I read that entire book like a robot. I have watched thousands of YouTube Videos to know what I am doing wrong but nothing helped, Until one day I realized that I needed to ask myself.

We people become so busy in our outer lives, that we forget to ask ourselves if we are ok or not. Maybe many of you have never heard of this concept of self-talk. After a really heavy day of work, I switched the lights off, went to my bed, took 5–6 long breaths and asked myself.

“Hey, how are you?”

The answer from within from “I don’t know”

I asked again — “ What’s wrong?”

The answer was — “ I think I am comparing myself with others, and everyone is doing better than me, they are earning thousands, doing great in their academics and life and I…