I Have Zero Motivation to Live Life (and How I’m Fixing That)

What do you call someone who doesn’t want to die but also has no motivation to live?

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Maybe it’s COVID fatigue. Maybe it’s teacher burnout. Perhaps it’s even legit depression. It’s definitely a product of living in a state of constant anxiety. I’m numb, and I can’t pinpoint the cause. I also don’t have enough energy to try. And while I don’t want to die, I don’t have any motivation to truly live, either.

I’m a high school teacher in my professional life — an overwhelmed, exhausted, emotionally and mentally depleted high school teacher at that. This is my third class of seniors to teach in the middle of a global pandemic. We’re back in person, all 2200+ of them in the building, and near the beginning of the school year, our governor said they could opt out of masks if their parents want.

After that, I spent most of my day interrupting myself to tell someone who was supposed to be wearing the mask to put it on right. That person was almost always sitting next to someone whose whole face was out. It felt futile. I was over it before the day even got started. And, of course, that’s not even the hard part of my job.

When I got home, I was so drained from this — and the mountain of growing responsibilities teachers…