Migration Psychology
I will flourish wherever I go
Finding Home Away From Home: Roots & Wings
When we think about the difficulties and challenges we face as immigrants, we sometimes feel unsupported. As someone who has been through nearly two years of migration experience, I’d like to share some notes from one of the most helpful talks I’ve attended. You are not alone, dear immigrant! In fact, we can feel similar things.
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This insightful talk on migration psychology in Barcelona was led by Özge Orbay, a beloved clinical psychologist in Türkiye known for her Unpopular Psychology podcast, and Burak Bilen, a voice therapist and yoga/meditation instructor. With their permission, I’ll refer to them simply as “Özge” and “Burak” for ease of reading as I share their insights.
Let’s go over the key points they discussed, one by one.
Stages of Migration
Migration is actually a much bigger change than we might expect. To explain this better, Burak mentioned in a workshop he attended that trauma can be divided into two categories: big “T” and small “t”:
- T: A problem that disrupts life or an event that deeply affects a person. For example, a serious accident or the loss of a loved one. Migration also falls into this category.
- t: A tough lesson but also helps us grow and become stronger. However, it doesn’t significantly impact our daily lives.
After combining their experiences during migration with my own, I divided the migration process into the following stages. These stages may vary from person to person.
1. Running Away from One’s Own Identity
If the reason for migration is to escape from things in our lives that we are not comfortable with or cannot accept, there is a chance we might encounter them again in a different form. Later, when we are in a place far from an oppressive society, it becomes easier to reconcile with our true selves, and the acceptance process begins.
Burak had a great example of this. His mother’s elders, especially his grandmother, were conservative. He didn’t enjoy visiting her house for this reason. For years, he couldn’t accept this and felt like an outsider.
Later, when he went to India for education, he realized that the mantras reminded him of his grandmother’s prayers. When he saw the prayer beads, he felt like he was back in the home he had been running from for years. It was a perfect example of how, while escaping from what we cannot accept, we might unexpectedly confront it.
2. Missing Familiar Details from Home
While trying to escape what we’ve left behind, we may find ourselves missing certain things from our home country. For example, the first week Burak arrived, he went out to eat a Turkish meal.
I’ve had similar experiences. For Turkish people, black tea is one of the most consumed drinks. In the last 3–4 years I lived in Türkiye, I preferred herbal teas over black tea. But after moving to Barcelona, my sister brought us a teapot at my husband’s request. We started brewing tea regularly, and it was often me who initiated it, even before my husband.
Additionally, though I loved listening to Spanish music because it helped me in my language-learning process after we moved, I found myself listening to more Turkish songs.
Just as I was thinking about this, Özge’s words hit right on the mark:
When an emotion becomes too much to handle on our own, we use music to release it.
3. Assimilation
This phase is an alternative path. Over time, we may either lose our identity and assimilate or after going through the first and second stages, we make peace with ourselves and our origins.
A more advanced scenario would be completely trying to break free from one’s roots and fully adapting to the new place.
4. Ethnic Enclave Mentality
The opposite of the third phase could be called the Ethnic Enclave Mentality— failing to adapt to the new place.
We called it as Turkish people in Germany Syndrome because, especially among the first generation of mass migrations, many didn’t feel the need or desire to adapt to their new environment, bringing Türkiye with them to Germany, so to speak. The children of this generation, on the other hand, may have struggled to adapt to schools and social life, facing an identity crisis.
Belonging in Migration
It was mentioned that a sense of belonging in migration is often measured by what we gain from the country we move to. While this can vary from person to person — whether it’s improved living conditions, escaping societal pressures, or a life with more freedom — our primary motivation for leaving is to obtain what we couldn’t have in our own country.
The part that completes this sense of belonging, however, is the contributions we make to that country. These contributions might not be significant at first but can develop over time. For instance, if we work for a company and produce good results, our motivation to stay there increases. Through our contributions, we strike a balance between giving and receiving, and this balance helps us feel like we belong.
One of the most memorable points from Özge’s talk was a Latin phrase she quoted:
I will bloom wherever I go.
This phrase became even more meaningful when Özge wrote about it in a post regarding her departure from Ankara, where she had lived for years:
They say, “I’ll flourish wherever I go” First, I’ll understand why I haven’t bloomed until now. I’ll learn how to create the conditions that will make me bloom. Only after going through these experiences will it become easier to bloom. Then, I’ll be a flower just like myself. Whatever color I am, whatever frequency I bloom at, big or small. Do you agree? I give a big hug to everyone who has been on this journey. You will go your own way, at your own pace, in your own way. It will be difficult at first, but it will get easier. In the end, you will see yourself with all your qualities and show the world. Without fear. Without shame.
Everyone’s transition process can be different. It’s important to establish a sense of belonging at your own rhythm, with compassion.
In short, this is a journey of discovery, and there’s no need to rush the feeling of belonging.
What If I Feel Like I Belong to Two Places?
One of the participants asked a question about belonging that really impacted me. They wondered what it means if they feel like they belong to both places. Özge explained that there’s no problem in feeling connected to multiple places at once.
This isn’t a problem; rather, it shows our growth. It’s like how we adopt different personas when we speak different languages.
I remember a friend once saying, “When I speak English, I feel less anxious and less worried about the future.” For me, I feel cheerful when I speak Spanish, for example.
This feeling also reminded me of the different roles we take on in life. At work, I’m a logical engineer; in theater club, I’m a creative team member; at home, I’m a childlike spouse; and with my family, I’m a cheerful daughter…
Our sense of self isn’t just one thing. The expansion of our personality becomes a strength, allowing us to broaden our playground. — Özge
Burak shared a beautiful analogy on this topic: We can think of ourselves like a puzzle. As children, we have fewer pieces. From afar, the outline is still recognizable, but as we grow, we add more pieces, and the puzzle expands and becomes more detailed.
Why Do Turks Struggle with Belonging?
Another participant raised an interesting point that made me reflect on our identity from different angles. They noted that people from other countries don’t seem to struggle with belonging as much as we do.
As a historically nomadic people, Turks have traditionally struggled with the concept of settling down. That’s why owning a home, starting a family, and raising children hold such significance for us. — Özge
Özge also discussed the issue of overprotective parenting in immigrant families. Feeling vulnerable in their new homes, these families often tend to be overly cautious with their children.”
We share our emotions inside the home. Whatever we are growing for, we are shaped by it.
Certain cultural norms inevitably affect us too. At this point, we need to ask ourselves:
Is this something I want to continue?
Guilt in Immigration
After the recent earthquake, we had gone through a tough time, even though it happened just 10 days after we arrived in Barcelona and our loved ones were not directly affected. In a presentation prepared by Clinical Psychologist Duygu Koçer to support us during this challenging period of living away from our country, the topic of guilt among immigrants was discussed. Here are the main thoughts surrounding this theme:
My family and loved ones are still in Türkiye, and I live under better conditions than they do. A part of me feels guilty for leaving my family and friends behind there.. In short, ‘We may be leaving Türkiye, but our homeland will forever remain in our hearts.’
One of the participants asked how we could overcome this feeling.
This is a result of our collective nature. It’s like the saying, ‘He is not a believer whose stomach is filled while his neighbor goes hungry.’ In fact, it’s this sense of collectivity that has helped us survive as a society and reach where we are today. — Özge
Following this explanation, Özge provided the following suggestions:
To understand that the feeling of guilt is not selfishness, we need to experience it. Sharing these feelings with others who feel the same way or with your therapist can be beneficial. It’s important to know that this feeling will change over time.
In short, receiving support on this issue will help normalize this feeling for us.
Coping with These Emotions
As we approached the end of the talk and started feeling lighter, we shifted our focus to what we could do to improve this experience.
First, we need to acknowledge what we have given up. It’s important to accept that while some things will be better where we’ve moved to, we won’t be able to find everything we had in our home country.
Researching activities we might enjoy in our new location can also be helpful. While trying to adapt to these new activities, we should symbolically continue the traditions we want to preserve and make an effort to let go of the ones that don’t serve us well.
Finding methods that work for us at our own pace is essential. For instance, Özge believes that establishing routines helps her. Having a regular cafe she visits or finding a yoga instructor makes adapting easier for her.
According to Özge, this experience and accumulation can lead to creativity. For example, if we enjoy writing, we can narrate our feelings or share our experiences.
As Turkish people, we’re known for our emotional depth. I’m learning to appreciate the beauty of longing.
After Özge’s remarks, we should also be conscious of another important point she reminded us of:
Even after resolving our traumas, we won’t reach a perfect state; we still become pretty much the same person. We simply experience certain things more easily.
As a summary, wherever we go, we carry our roots, but it’s up to us to bloom…
This article was the most-read article of August in one of the most active Medium Turkish publications. I’d like to thank my readers once again.
If you’d like to see more content of Barcelona, follow me on Instagram @evaluna.primavera. You might also enjoy my other articles:
