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The problem with undefined social invitations
This is why I’m just going to say “no”
Okay. Fine. I admit it.
I don’t handle social ambiguity well.
To have fun, I need as much clarity and specificity as possible. Specificity like sending a Calendly link to schedule a catch-up with my sister. That’s the level of unambiguity I need to enjoy a social event.
So invitations like “come over anytime” are just not for me due to the ridiculous amount of time spent analyzing them, looking for meaning.
First, I wonder if it’s an actual invitation. Or maybe the invite is the polite message “I’m saying goodbye in a way to leave this conversation without feeling bad.”
Then, if I feel this is a genuine invitation, I try to figure out the meaning of “anytime.”
They haven’t told me their preferred visiting times. I don’t know their daily schedule. So am I supposed to intuit what “anytime” means? (Because I know it’s not literally any time. I doubt they want me to pop by at midnight.)
Next, I think about what we’ll do during the visit. Should I bring a game to play? What if I don’t feel like talking? And how long should I stay?
