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A Eulogy for the Living
In memory of a lost friendship
Anna and I haven’t been in each others’ lives for over two years at this point. If she were to reach out to me again, I would probably drop everything to figure out what went wrong. I don’t love that about myself but I loved her more than I can articulate. She remains one of the most unique people I’ve ever met. I love that if I read a quote by her or saw her handwriting, I would know it was hers; I can’t say that for most people. She left as silently as she came into my life and as unexpectedly.
For the sake of my grieving, I am going to pretend she’s no longer here. Effectively, she isn’t in my life and I need to move forward with that. This is a eulogy for our friendship: the time we once spent together and the time we won’t.
Dear Anna,
I don’t pretend to know what pain you were in or what you were going through. I’ve wracked my brain over and over again and the conclusion I’ve come to is that I won’t ever know. I forgive you. I forgive the pain you’ve put me through and I forgive myself that I still reached out to you for so long. I forgive the fact that I still want to listen to your rambles, speeches, soap boxes, and thought processes. I am not ashamed of that anymore. I loved them. God, I don’t even remember what you sound like. I’ve grown up so much. You have too…
