Alabama Passes Bill Requiring All Voters Show Photo ID of Confederate Flag Tattoo

MONTGOMERY, Ala. — The state legislature on Monday passed a bill that aims to substantially lower Election Day turnout by mandating that all voters present a state-issued photo ID of their Confederate flag tattoo before being allowed to cast a ballot.

Formally introduced a mere 90 minutes ago, the bill immediately received unanimous support among Republicans in the GOP-controlled legislature. In fact, the only disputes centered around who among them would be first in line to have their tattoo photographed.

Republican Rep. Steve Lynch, who ultimately nabbed the first spot, heaped praise on the initiative, which is free to all Alabamians.

“This is a great way to ensure election integrity while supporting the common man,” Lynch said. “It also proves that we here at the capitol can get stuff done when the big issues are at stake, like ensuring we keep ourselves in office.”

Rep. Jeff Lee, one of the bill’s co-sponsors, defended himself against accusations that he is receiving kickbacks from ‘Big Ink.’

“You need a rebel tattoo to vote, yes, but nobody’s putting a gun to your head and making you get one. You can just stay home if you want,” Lee said. “By the way, for those of you who have more than one tattoo, you can pick which one you want to have on your ID. That’s the type of freedom of choice I can get behind.”

Although the legislation did not receive any bipartisan support, Democrat Linda Wells acknowledged one positive aspect of it.

“It’s actually a great way to log identifying characteristics for a registry of hate crime suspects,” she pointed out. “Or as they say around here: ‘heritage crimes.’”

Gov. Kay Ivey is expected to sign the bill into law immediately after putting her signature on a similar piece of legislation, one which limits mail-in voting to residences that were once plantations.