Erectile Dysfunction
What I found out about Erectile Dysfunction through Sex Work
If you don’t use it you might lose it.
If you haven’t had first-hand experience of this, then you might be surprised at how common it is for men to either not be able to get an erection at all or to find difficulty maintaining it. And it affects men of all ages, but especially older men.
Through my work, I’ve seen a steady stream of men who experience erectile dysfunction (ED).
We’re all capable of looking up medical information about ED and its multiple causes, sometimes, it is a sign of physical ill health, and in other cases, the root cause may be in the mind.
I’m not a doctor, and I’m not here to discuss those things. I wanted to share with you what I have discovered through hundreds, if not thousands, of interactions with men experiencing ED.
Many men don’t know the basics:
- Orgasm and ejaculation aren’t the same thing
- You don’t need an erection to orgasm or to ejaculate
- Sex doesn’t have to involve an erection because sexual pleasure doesn’t require a penis in a vagina.
- Many couples have an active sex life without doing penis-in-vagina sex: lesbians, obviously, alsomany heterosexual male-female couples.
Some men aren’t worried by their lack of an erection; they are accustomed to this and don’t let it disturb their sex lives because they can still get aroused and have orgasms and do plenty of things to please their partner.
Other men are very troubled by it for various reasons: penetration isn’t possible without an erection, so of course, it is a big worry if penetration as a part of sex is very important to them.
But even when penetration isn’t on the cards, some men are troubled by their lack of a hard-on.
The very fact of having an erection, seeing it, and experiencing it is an essential part of the erotic nature of sex for some men — it is a mental thing. It is all in their mind. But their minds want that physical thing to happen.
As a sex worker, I never comment on the lack of an erection. I deal with what comes up (or not), so when my clients mention it, that’s when we discuss it.
Firstly, I will reassure them it’s not an issue; it’s fairly common, and I’ll let them lead the conversation.
It might be caused by a medical condition, and it’s still possible to have a great sex life without an erection. But it might be caused by other factors such as depression and performance anxiety, and we might discuss those things too.
What has been most fascinating to me over the years is I might ask my client whether they ever get erections, such as when they are on their own. The answers have amazed me.
I’ve found through conversations with older clients that some sad guilt is associated with masturbation. They seem to think it is something they don’t wish to “resort to”, but they have no regular sexual partner, so sex for them has stopped completely. No orgams, no masturbation.
Or they might tell me that they don’t masturbate because it isn’t the same; it’s not as good. True, it isn’t the same, it is different, but it is an option.
Personally, I think we are naturally sexual creatures. There is nothing wrong with touching ourselves for pleasure, and in fact, we should do that if we want to.
If we have no sexual partner, then I think self-love should be part of the weekly routine.
Many of my more mature clients won’t have any kind of sexual experience for months on end, not even masturbation.
If they are happy with that, then all well and good, but if you don’t keep your body fit for a sport, will you still be able to pick it up and play at the same level after months or years of neglect?
It is no good expecting a penis to rise to the occasion and stand proud on demand if that demand might be once or twice a year or less!
We don’t neglect any other part of our body for months and expect it to work. And I think almost every part of our body would fail us if we did treat it like that.
Some clients want to talk about treatments for ED. I have to stress I am not a doctor or an expert (although I may actually be a bit of an expert), and I urge them to talk to their doctor becaasuse there might be an underlying medical issue.
The magic pill might be the magic solution, but still they should consult the doctor first.
We might discuss how the conversation might go with the doctor, how they get past the gatekeeper receptionist, and booking a consultation with a private doctor online. We’ll talk about the pill or the other devices on the market. But we’ll also talk about the stresses in life that might cause the problem.
Okay, so that’s all I wanted to say about my experience of ED at work, and sex workers are nodding in agreement. Yes, another day at the office. But if you have no experience of sex work this might not fit with how you imagine a session goes.
I hope you have found this interesting. If so, please clap and comment. I aim to answer all questions.
And look here for more of my writings about sex work in the UK:
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