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Asking the Right Questions: Engaging Authentically with Someone in Pain
What to say when you don’t know what to say. Asking questions that offer authentic support
Someone you care about is hurting. Deeply.
Maybe they’ve lost a loved one, received difficult news, are going through a brutal breakup, or are struggling with their mental health.
Your heart aches for them. You desperately want to help ease their burden, to let them know you care.
But then comes the moment you have to say something. Your mind goes blank. Your palms get sweaty. You feel a wave of awkwardness wash over you.
What if you say the wrong thing? What if you make it worse? What if you sound stupid?
So, you resort to the usual phrases: ‘I’m so sorry,’ ‘Let me know if you need anything,’ ‘Thinking of you.’
These are kind gestures, born out of genuine care. But let’s be honest, ‘Let me know if you need anything’ often puts the burden back on the person already struggling to simply survive the day. And generic platitudes, while well-intentioned, can feel empty in the face of overwhelming pain.
We feel helpless because we don’t know how to bridge the gap between our care and their suffering. We…
