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Deluded Custodians
Alien Vacation Review 2050
Subtitle!
Earth is not the vacation destination I was promised. I came for the beer pong and the dance parties and the NASCAR. Instead, there’s nothing but urban ruins overgrown with jungle vegetation.
Where is everybody? I was told this place was inhabited by semi-intelligent bipedal beings that look like us, except they are taller and have smaller eyes and more body hair. Instead, all I see are cats. If I wanted to hang out with a bunch of cats, I would have stayed home. At least the cats back on Blorgon can talk.
A strip club without strippers is no fun at all, let me tell you. The cats aren’t wearing thongs, so there’s nowhere for me to stuff my dollar bills. And as good at climbing as these Earth cats are, they can’t seem to work that shiny metallic pole in the middle of the stage.
The worst part is the food. I have no idea how long these hot dogs have been spinning around in this little heat chamber, but they taste like shoe leather. All the potato chip bags on the shelves have “Best by” dates of 2026 or earlier, and the chips inside are like sawdust. My travel book said I should avoid these convenience marts, but all the buffets seem to be closed.
To make matters worse, all the beds I’ve found are overrun with tiny six-legged…
